As a Professional Dating Coach, I Know the Secret to Kissing Like a Pro

Busting out this move is guaranteed to get you a second date.

Kissing isn't just fun—it can also tell you a lot about your chemistry and compatibility with someone, perhaps even dictating whether or not you're interested in pursuing the relationship further. Do you feel that sought-after spark when you lock lips? Do you have a similar or complementary smooching style? Does kissing this person bring up certain emotions?

Of course, there's no one-size-fits-all approach to kissing: What gets one person hot and bothered may be a total turn-off for another. That said, professional dating coach Jacob Lucas says there is one foolproof trick that's almost always effective.

"I absolutely love this tip because it's a game changer and it works every single time," he said in a recent TikTok video. Here's how it works.

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"When you are kissing someone, especially for the first time, make sure you are the first person to pull away from the kiss," he recommends.

This might seem counterintuitive. If you're enjoying the kiss—and it seems like your date is enjoying it, too—why would you cut it off prematurely? Won't this just ruin the moment? According to Lucas, there's actually a very good reason for taking this approach: It makes your date crave you even more.

"When you are the first person to pull away from the kiss, you control the frame of the interaction," he explains. "The frame of the interaction is that they are chasing you. They will feel that. And because they feel like they are chasing you, they will feel more attracted to you, and want to kiss you again and again."

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This approach has a similar effect to another one of Lucas' favorite flirty techniques: The push-pull.

In the context of a liplock, this might look like gently pushing them away halfway through your kiss and saying something like, "That's all you're going to get for now. You'll have to wait until next time."

What this playful move does, says Lucas, is give them just a taste of what you have to offer while still leaving them wanting more.

Two romantic female lovers smiling cheerfully while embracing each other.
JLco – Julia Amaral / iStock

Lucas shared additional tips on how to make that first kiss perfect in a separate TikTok video. This included valuable guidance on several common kissing conundrums—like what to do with your hands, and when to go in for that much-anticipated lip lock.

Firstly, rather than just letting your hands hang awkwardly at your sides or sticking them in your pockets, Lucas recommends slowly brushing a hand on your date's cheek and gently holding it there.

"Cup their face when you kiss them," he adds. "It will feel so much more intimate."

A study by The Match Lab revealed that a whopping 89 percent of people think a first kiss should happen at the end of the date. But Lucas says waiting until you say goodnight is a big mistake because it puts a lot of "pressure" on the kiss. If you go this route, the build-up leading to the kiss might make you more nervous as the night goes on, which will make it difficult for you to make a good impression on your date.

Instead, Lucas recommends trying to sneak in a kiss about 80 percent of the way through the date—as long as you and your date are feeling some solid chemistry and are comfortable, that is.

"It will feel so much more spontaneous, natural, and exciting," he explains. "And the remainder of the date will feel so much more romantic."

Making a move three-quarters of the way through the date also helps to relieve some of the inevitable tension and jitters so you can just relax and enjoy each other's company.

Best of all? Lucas notes that if that initial kiss goes well, you'll most likely get another one at the end of the night as well.

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Rebecca Strong
Rebecca Strong is a Boston-based freelance health/wellness, lifestyle, and travel writer. Read more
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