It won’t be long before the eyes of the world turn to St. George’s Chapel at Windsor Castle, where Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will officially tie the knot in what will surely be a ceremony to remember. But if you’re a royal obsessive who wants to be sure the event never fades into memory, we’ve compiled here the 15 craziest and utterly bizarre keepsakes you can purchase right now. So read on, and happy shopping! And for more on experiencing the big day, see here for How to Live Stream the Royal Wedding for Free.
Royal Sick Bags
$5.42; buy now at lydialeith.bigcartel.com
If all the festivities are just too exciting for you, artist Lydia Leith has you covered with exclusive Royal Wedding Sick Bags. They include an elegant illustration of the couple on a sturdy bag that can handle whatever you throw at it—signed by the artist. While her edition for William and Kate was a hit with its tagline, “Throne Up,” in this iteration she’s one-upped it with “Another Duke to Make You Puke.” And if you’re a royal wedding obsessive, don’t miss reading up on What Will Happen the Night Before the Harry and Meghan’s Big Day.
Royal Sex Toys
$13.53; buy now at lovehoney.co.uk
Online retailer Lovehoney offers a pair of royal-wedding-themed sex toys. The Markle Sparkle Royal Wedding Vibrating Finger Ring and the Royal Wedding Vibrating Love Ring—the former in silver, the latter in gold—promise pleasure for both prince and princess, and come complete with cartoon illustration of the couple on the package.
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle Pez
$TBD; buy now at ebay.com
There’s only one in the world and it’s being auctioned off on Ebay for charity until May 13. All proceeds will go to the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Curious what the royal wedding is actually like? Check out these 18 Royal Wedding Guest Etiquette Dos and Don’ts.
Harry & Meghan’s Windsor Knot Beer
$3.05; buy now at webrew.co.uk
Tie one on watching the wedding.
Knockoff Engagement Rings
$40.00; buy now at myjewelcandy.com
Why not to just pretend you’re the one marrying Harry with this $40 replica of the ring that sealed the deal? With this replica, the folks at Jewel Candy paid special attention to the details, including the yellow gold band, large center stone, and a pair of diamonds meant to imitate those of Princess Diana’s that Harry included in the real ring he put on Meghan’s finger.
Prince and Princess Gingerbread Cookies
$16.25; buy now at biscuiteers.com
Maybe you find Harry and Meghan so darn adorable you just want to eat them up. If so, online seller Biscuiteers has you covered, with a pair of Royal Couple Jolly Gingers. Each is hand-iced with a likeness of Meghan and Harry, and each comes with its own hand-illustrated gift box.
$27.30; buy now at Etsy.com
You can stir up some love in the kitchen with these totally creepy wooden spoons, each featuring the face of one of the royal bethrothed.
$24.36; buy now at historicroyalpalaces.com
Because you know you will still be talking about the wedding when December rolls around.
Official Commemorative Coin
$20.30; buy now at historicroyalpalaces.com
The likenesses of the lovebirds isn’t great (Harry’s nose is not that big!), but you know you want one.
Harry and Meghan Commemorative Rings Breakfast Cereal
$56.02; buy now at etsy.com
A limited edition cereal in a limited edition box. Only 1000 boxes made, and 50 percent of all of the profits go to a Homeless Breakfast Club.
Prince Harry and Meghan life-size cutout
$74.99; buy now at Amazon.com
It’s not the same as meeting them in person, but it’s a hilarious way to punch up your viewing party.
Royal Wedding 2018 Face Masks
$12.99; buy now at Amazon.com
Kind of creepy, yes. Draw straws and the shortest one has to be Camilla while you watch the wedding.
Crown Jewel Condom
$13.54; buy now at crownjewelscondoms.co.uk
Tastefully wrapped in a blue box with a portrait of Harry and his bride-to-be and the flags of England and the United States.
Kensington Palace snow globe
$5.40; buy now at historicroyalpalaces.com
A kitschy miniature version of Meghan and Harry’s new home.
$33.85; buy now at historicroyalpalaces.com
You can put it on your desk and tell that annoying coworker it’s your party favor from the wedding.
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