Getting Ghosted Causes “Slower Psychological Recovery,” New Research Finds

Modern dating isn’t for the faint of heart—trust me. There’s now a bajillion dating apps to choose from, online dating profiles are rarely 100 percent truthful, and ghosting is at an all-time high. The only thing that hurts more than someone unmatching you is being left on read after a date—both of which are examples of ghosting. In fact, psychology shows that getting ghosted causes more mental distress than being explicitly rejected.

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Research says those who are ghosted are less likely to move on, compared to those who are explicitly rejected.

Getting ghosted causes “slower psychological recovery,” according to a new study published in the journal Personal Relationships.

Nearly 250 college students participated in an immersive online dating simulation that matched them with a fictional person named Taylor. After frequent messaging and two good dates, participants initiated interest in seeing Taylor for a third time. However, in response, researchers prompted Taylor to accept, reject, or ghost participants at random.

This tactic allowed researchers to gain “insight into how ghosting feels in the moment” versus based on memory.

“People often discuss ghosting as a hurtful, distressing way to end a relationship, which inspired us to explore what makes this relationship dissolution experience particularly impactful for the recipient,” Amanda Szczesniak, PhD candidate and lead author, explained of the study’s purpose in a PsyPost interview.

Following Taylor’s response, or lack thereof, researchers assessed participants’ “emotions, self-esteem, emotional attachment to the fictional partner, and their intentions to reconnect or monitor the partner’s online presence,” per PsyPost.

As expected, those who were rejected or ghosted both exhibited lower self-esteem and increased negative emotions, compared to their peers who got a third date.

But interestingly, the ghosted singles still felt emotionally attached to Taylor—more so than the rejected group. They also felt more tempted to check Taylor’s social media and to send a double text after 24 hours.

Curious, researchers expanded on these findings with a second study involving 141 participants. This experiment replicated the first, but additional behavioral cues were taken into account.

Upon being accepted, rejected, or ghosted, singles rated “how likely they were to perform actions such as texting or calling the target, checking their dating app profile, or visiting places the target was known to frequent.”

Once again, ghosted participants were more likely to do all of the above. Conversely, those who received messages of rejection from Taylor were more likely to cut off contact.

“Given that past work has shown that continued contact with an ex-partner hinders break-up recovery, especially for those who have low acceptance of the break-up, ghosted participants are at risk for slower psychological recovery from the dissolution,” Szczesniak told PsyPost.

“Altogether, being ghosted appears to be uniquely associated with sustained emotional attachment, continued contact attempts, and social media monitoring of an ex-partner, suggesting why explicit dissolution might be the most efficacious strategy for establishing the finality of a relationship,” she added.

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Those who ghost are often poor communicators.

So, why does someone ghost?

“Talking to someone about why you don’t want to be in their life anymore is hard,” Heather M. Cain, LPC, LCPC, a licensed professional counselor at Shrink Me Not, previously told Best Life. “Most people don’t want to talk about it, so they prefer to ghost.”

Although it stings at first, ghosting is usually a clear indicator of poor communication skills. “Most people don’t learn how to effectively communicate their feelings, and some people have difficulty with listening to how their behaviors make others feel,” Cain added.

So, in a roundabout way, you saved yourself the trouble of dating someone who doesn’t know how to express their emotions—or who isn’t willing to sit in their uncomfortableness to owe you the conversation that you deserve. Talk about a blessing in disguise!

But sometimes, the reason for ghosting is much more complex. The other person may be experiencing mental health issues, going through a personal tragedy like a family death, or, in some cases, unfortunately, it’s because they’re not actually single