Words are powerful—how we speak to others reveals a lot about ourselves. “Confidence is about really believing in yourself, having that secure self-esteem and a sense that you can do something,” Dr. Nina Vasan, MD, MBA, and chief medical officer at Real, tells TODAY. “It means feeling good about yourself for your abilities and potential. Confidence in your body is about accepting your body as it is, liking the way it looks and appreciating what your body is able to do.” While body language and attitude can go a long way, certain phrases can undermine the image you are trying to present. Here are 10 phrases that instantly make you sound less confident, according to experts.
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1. “I’m Sorry”
ShutterstockTry not to apologize if you haven’t done anything to justify it. “Saying ‘I’m sorry’ can seem like a courteous thing to do, but overusing the phrase — especially in situations that don’t require an apology — can diminish the impact of what you say next, and make future apologies hold less weight,” authors and communication experts Kathy and Ross Petras tell CNBC.
2. “I Just”
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Saying “I just” makes you sound apologetic. “‘I just want to ask you…’ ‘It’ll just take a minute…’ ‘I’m just saying…’ Weak. Weak. Weak,” communication consultant Danny Rubin told CNBC. “‘Just’ is a little word with big implications. Each time we use ‘just,’ it suggests we waste someone’s time. No, if you have something important to say, then say it.”
3. “Um, Ah…”
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Watch out for filler words. “Avoid words that serve no purpose except to fill the space between sentences,” according to Harvard Business Review. “These are words like um, ah, like, and the dreaded, you know? Excessive filler words can be irritating to listeners, and make speakers sound unsure of themselves. Eliminating them is also one of the simplest habits to fix.”
4. “I Believe/Feel/Think That...”
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Avoid making a statement with these words.“Look at these terms as filler words,” says DevelopHer. “They diminish the importance of your statement. Try to simply remove these fillers and get straight to the point of what you’re trying to say. For example: ‘I believe this is an important issue we need to discuss’ vs. ‘This is an important issue we need to discuss.’ Which one sounds more confident? Which one are you more likely to listen to?”
5. “I Hate To Bother You, But…”
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Don’t apologize for asking for something. “I hate to bother you, but...” connotes the other person has all the power in the relationship,” Rubin says. “Even if you’re an intern, new hire or several years junior to someone at the company, you have every right to stand proudly and say, ‘When you have a minute, I’d like your opinion on…’.”
6. Passive Voice
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Using the passive voice can make you sound weak. “You must be willing to stand by your decisions, and the best way is to put yourself (‘I’) at the start of the sentence,” Rubin says.
7. “You Need To…”
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Start your sentence with ‘I’, not ‘you’. “When you start a request with a ‘you’-based statement (e.g., ‘You make me…’ or ‘You cannot…’), it can come across as controlling behavior, which is sometimes the result of fear or insecurity,” the Petras’ say. “‘I’-based statements, however, can help you communicate how you’re feeling or what you want, without it sounding like an attack.”
8. Would You Mind?
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Don’t give people an opportunity to turn you down. “Instead of asking, ‘would you mind?’ try saying something like, ‘when you have a moment, please refer to….’,” says DevelopHer. “This closes the window of allowing someone to say, ‘yes, I do mind.’ Be assertive when you’re making a reasonable request. Even if you’re reaching out to your boss, there’s a difference between sounding polite and respectful and coming across as weak.”
9. “I Don’t Know”
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Avoid saying ‘I don’t know.’ “Instead, say something like, “That’s a really interesting question. Give me a minute to think about that,” Eric Yaverbaum, CEO of public relations firm Ericho Communications, tells CNBC.
10. “I’m Not Sure, But…”
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Have confidence in what you are saying. “By starting out with ‘I’m not sure, but,’ you’re immediately diminishing whatever follows,” according to DevelopHer. “Don’t start emails or conversations with a negative connotation. Get straight to the facts of what you’re saying. Even if you’re unsure, instead of saying something like, ‘I’m not sure, but let me find out,’ try saying, ‘Let me find out.’”