8 Things You Should Never Ask Guests to Bring, Etiquette Experts Say

“What can I bring?” is usually the response you get from a guest after inviting them to your home. You might be tempted to respond with, “Nothing, just yourself!” But what if you actually need something?

“Most people do not turn up empty-handed when they arrive at someone’s home,” says Lisa Mirza Grotts, a San Francisco-based etiquette expert. “But when a host begins offloading her responsibility to her guests, it becomes burdensome.”

So how should you handle the inevitable question and ensure you aren’t breaking any unspoken rules? We consulted Grotts and other pros for their hosting advice on the things you should never ask guests to bring.

RELATED: The 6 Best Things to Ask Guests to Bring—If They Offer.

1. The main course

Because you’re the host, you should provide every item that’s essential to your event. Etiquette experts say that includes everything from a bottle of champagne at a New Year’s Eve event to the main course of a dinner party.

“It’s not appropriate to ask a guest to lug large dishes they baked for hours,” points out Chantelle Hartman Malarkey, a hosting aesthetic expert and interior designer. “For instance, if you’re hosting Thanksgiving, do the turkey! No one wants to risk baking a turkey for hours for it to be ruined on the way over.”

However, Meredith Corning, executive event planner at Meredith Events, notes that it is acceptable to ask guests to bring a main dish if you’re hosting a potluck dinner. But, in these cases, you should always clarify that you’re hosting a potluck and not a dinner party when inviting people over to avoid any confusion.

As for what you can request guests to bring as relates to the meal, Sharon-Frances Moore, owner of the social etiquette company Shances, says, “If asked, a host should only request that a party guest bring accompaniments. For example, a side dish or a backup dessert, or a party complement like flowers.”

2. Appetizers

It might seem like a small ask to have your guest bring over some chips and dip or a fresh plate of crudités. But this seemingly tiny favor could be a bigger request than you realize.”

“Beware of asking your guests to bring any appetizers, cheese boards, or their award-winning salsa, as all of these items are starters, and if your guest is running late, then your guests who have arrived have nothing to nibble on,” warns Jules Hirst, etiquette expert and founder of Etiquette Consulting.

She recommends asking for something less timely, like wine or dessert.

RELATED: 11 Things You Should Put Away When Guests Come Over.

3. Anything uncooked

On a similar note, you should never ask a guest to bring a food item that still needs to be cooked.

“Having your guests have to hurry to get to your party is rude, and to ask them to bring uncooked meat, chicken, or fish forces them to arrive first,” says Max Tucci, entertaining expert and author of The Delmonico Way.

There are also health risks involved. “The USDA states that if raw meats have been mishandled or left in the ‘Danger Zone’ for too long, bacteria may grow and produce toxins which can cause foodborne illness,” explains Tucci.

Said “Danger Zone” is anywhere between 40 and 140 degrees or anywhere unrefrigerated for more than two hours, which sounds a lot like many guests’ commutes.

4. A specific type of alcohol

When you ask a guest to bring an item to your home, you don’t get to nitpick which type they buy.

“While it’s perfectly fine to suggest that guests bring a bottle of wine or a six-pack of beer to share, asking for a specific brand or type is crossing the line,” says Suman Kumar Sahni, certified relationship expert and co-founder of Mood Fresher. “It can make guests feel like their contribution isn’t good enough and can create an awkward situation if they’re unable to find the requested item.”

However, he notes that you can ask for a specific genre of drink, like red wine or tequila. But if you want something more specific than that, get it yourself.

RELATED: 6 Easy Chores You Can Let Guests Do—If They Offer.

5. Serveware

As the host, it’s your responsibility to provide all the serving ware and utensils you’ll need to entertain your guests.

“It might be tempting to ask a friend to bring over their Victorian-era cupcake stand for your tea party spread, but it places too much pressure on the guest to provide something vital for the food service,” advises Corning. “Your guests should feel relaxed about their attendance and not worried about forgetting an instrumental piece for your occasion.”

6. Last-minute items

If a guest calls you on their way over and asks if they can grab something for you, it’s acceptable to ask them to bring a last-minute item. But if you call a guest the day of your event, asking them to bring something, that is very inconsiderate.

“It can be stressful for the guest who is trying to get ready and be on time to then have to factor in bringing an item to your home at the eleventh hour,” says Corning.

“Never call one of your guests and ask them to stop and pick something up on their way, as you do not know their plans prior to your event,” adds Hirst.

And yes, this includes a bag of ice and even ice cream. “Many people think ice isn’t a big deal, but it could be a big hassle depending on where they are coming from,” says Malarkey. “No one wants a puddle of water in the back of the trunk. That also means ice cream. It’s stressful hoping it’ll make it there without melting.”

RELATED: The First Things Guests Notice About Your Kitchen.

7. Something that makes them uncomfortable

Avoid any requests that could make your guests uncomfortable. For instance, not all guests should be tasked with the liquor store run.

“It would be highly inappropriate and disrespectful to ask a guest to bring…alcohol if they are in recovery from alcohol addiction,” says Adina Mahalli, MSW, family therapist for Maple Holistics. “Such a request could undermine their progress, create feelings of exclusion or embarrassment, and strain the trust within the relationship.”

Ensure they feel included and supported by asking for a non-alcohol-related item.

You should also avoid asking for items that could be an inconvenience to your guests. For example, suggesting a special loaf of bread from a bakery halfway across town, says Tucci.

8. Cash

It might seem silly to even say this, but since guests are being asked to pay for their meals at weddings, it’s important to note that they should never be asked to reimburse you in any way for the meal you invited them over to enjoy.

“I cannot imagine ever asking a guest in any situation to bring monetary compensation for the dinner you invited them to, whether it is an event outside or inside your home. If you are the host, you are responsible for providing everyone with what is needed for your vision,” explains Corning.

“It puts your guests in an uncomfortable position and can make them feel like they’re not valued as individuals but rather just a source of income to fund your party,” agrees Kumar Sahni.

Instead, ask guests to each bring an item, like cups or napkins. Or, lower the costs of hosting entirely by hosting a potluck party where everyone brings a dish. Problem solved!