Are reality shows all scripted? That’s like asking if professional wrestling is real or if Shakespeare really wrote Macbeth and Hamlet or if his plays were written by some other guy. We honestly don’t care. Why should it matter if the drama is still so intense, and at least in the case of reality shows, unintentionally hilarious?
Isn’t that when reality shows are at their best, after all? When people slip out of their carefully-constructed facades and show us who they really are? They scream too loud, or cry too hard, or do the most embarrassing thing at the least opportune time, or say something that sounded really awesome in their head but never should have been said out loud. We love it all, probably because it’s the one part of reality shows that feels 100% genuine.
Here are 30 of our favorite moments from reality shows, which also happen to be the funniest. Because sometimes when people are behaving insane and irrational and foolish, that’s when they’re showing us who they really are. And for more hilarious reality-show moments, here are The 30 Funniest Reality Show Catchphrases of All Time.
Jail Trip Selfies, Keeping Up With the Kardashians
Driving your sister to jail, so she can serve time for violation of probation, is maybe not the best time to be taking selfies. But don’t tell that to Kim Kardashian. She doesn’t even stop when her mom starts screaming, “Stop taking pictures of yourself, your sister is going to jail.” And for more surreal moments, Here’s Paris Hilton Doing a Crazy Good Kim Kardashian Impression—Photos.
The Projectile Prosthetic Leg, Real Housewives of New York
When Aviva Drescher felt ganged up on by her cast mates during a dinner party, she did what any reasonable person with a prosthetic leg would do. She removed her faux limb, slammed it on the table, and declared, “The only thing that is artificial or fake about me is this!”
Bros Before Hair Lint, Jersey Shore
How much did Pauly D and Vinny love each other? As Pauly explained, “On the beach I had a piece of lint in my hair and Vinny took it out and that was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.” Awwww. And if you want to learn how to look as great as these two, be sure to check out the 20 Celeb Tricks for Always Looking Amazing in Photos.
William Hung Gives His Best She-Bang, American Idol
How did a civil engineering student at UC Berkeley with no singing ability and a laughable sexual charisma become a American Idol breakout star by butchering a Ricky Martin song? Watch William Hung in action and learn from the master. And then, if you’re still craving more laughs, check out the 75 Jokes That Are So Bad They’re Actually Funny.
The Snake and the Rat, Survivor
The first ever season of Survivor ended with one of the most bizarre and hilarious monologues in the show’s history. Truck driver Sue Hawk vented her frustration by comparing the two finalists to a rat and snake, saving her biggest scorn for Kelly Wiglesworth.
“If I were ever to pass you along in life again, and you were laying there, dying of thirst, I would not give you a drink of water,” she said. “I would let the vultures take you and do whatever they want with you, with no ill regrets.” Burn!
Is There Chicken in Chicken of the Sea?, Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica
It took just one episode for Jessica Simpson to prove that she was not the brightest crayon in the Crayola box. “Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish?” she asked her husband Nick Lachey, while eating some tuna fish. “I know it’s tuna, but it says ‘Chicken … by the Sea.’” Oh Lordy. And for more bad decisions by celebs, here are the 30 Worst-Ever Celebrity Tattoos.
The Ionic Ear, Shark Tank
Just what everybody wants, a Bluetooth device that can be surgically implanted in your ear canal. Wait, what? The shocked expressions on the Shark Tank investors faces summed up our feelings exactly.
Justin Timberlake Cries, Punk’D
Long before he was wowing crowds at the Super Bowl halftime show, Justin Timberlake was getting pranked by Ashton Kutcher, who brought the pop superstar to tears by convincing him that his home, cars and dogs were being repossessed by the IRS for $900,000 in back taxes.
“My Ox is Broken!”, Amazing Race
We’ve never used an ox to plow up a clue during a reality show competition, so we have no frame of reference. But apparently it’s difficult enough that a person might ostensibly shout, unaware of the inherent hilarity, “My ox is broken!” Of course it is. And for more goofy moments, here are the 40 Facts So Funny They’re Hard to Believe.
50 Cent Will Push You in a Pool, America’s Next Top Model
Listen, we’re sure Fiddy Cent is a nice enough guy, but if you keep pestering him and you don’t take no for an answer, even if you’re a super hot model, there’s a pretty good chance he’s going to shove you into a small body of water.
Handcuff Antics, Duck Dynasty
If your uncle is going to handcuff himself to you without knowing where the key is, the least he can do is put his drink down while relieving himself next to the truck. That’s just common courtesy, right?
Ozzy Doesn’t Love Bubbles, The Osbournes
“Oh come on Sharon,” Ozzy was heard to exclaim when learning that there would be an explosion of bubbles in his otherwise dark and demonic rock show. “I’m (expletive) Ozzy Osbourne, the Prince of (expletive) Darkness. Evil! Evil! What’s (expletive) evil about a (expletive) of (expletive) bubbles!?” Uh-oh, everybody, it looks like grandpa is upset.
Baby Madonna, Toddlers and Tiaras
A 2 year-old in a beauty pageant is offensive enough, but a 2-year-old dancing to a Madonna song while dressed in a gold bodysuit with a pointy cone bra, that’s when it’s time to call Child Protective Services.
Wash Your Toosie Noots, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo
Mama June explains why it’s important to wash your biscuit at least once every two weeks. Which is hopefully something you already knew. It’s important to have parental role models who are “real particular about my toose.”
“The Sanasa Song”, The Simple Life
What the heck is a sanasa? We’re still not sure even Nicole Richie knows.
Microwave Chicken, Flavor of Love
We still have nightmares about Schatar “Hottie” Sapphira’s raw chicken entree, which was just barely warmed over in the microwave and lanced with raw, uncut veggies. Mmmm, smells like delicious salmonella.
Loading a Crossbow, Pawn Stars
We know we shouldn’t laugh. We probably don’t have the upper body strength to load a crossbow either. But there’s just something about two chubby dudes trying to load a medieval weapon while saying “This would take you forever to kill someone” that makes us snicker.
Williamsburg Hasidic Gentleman, Project Runway All Stars
We enjoy high fashion as much as anybody, but a new outfit in the style of “Fragonard Madame de Pompadour meets 21st century rockstar slash Williamsburg Hasidic gentleman” sounds like a little much.
Crabs Passing Gas, The Deadliest Catch
Who knew the secret to being a successful crab fisherman was as simple as looking for “fart bubbles”?
His Majesty, Sir Bonehead, Keeping Up With the Kardashians
“I don’t need to be walking around like some kind of peasant,” said Kourtney beau Scott Disick, by way of explaining why he needed to be knighted in the U.K. Whatever, he’s still a tool. And if you can’t get enough of the Kardashians, check out why Kim Kardashian’s Latest Sultry Selfie Is Her Most Controversial Yet.
The Man Who Steals “Pannies”, Cops
Lots of drunks were busted on Cops, but nobody stole our heart quite like the self-described “loneliest man in Las Vegas,” who wasn’t just intoxicated with pant legs full of brews, but he also had a bag full of women’s clothing. Or as he called them, “pannies.” Oy.
Wheels of Cheese, Amazing Race
Watching people try to roll 50-pound wheels of cheese up a hill shouldn’t be this entertaining, but somehow it ends up being as comedically satisfying as a Marx Brothers film.
Cook Eating the Fish, Hell’s Kitchen
Raj, our least favorite contestant ever on Hell’s Kitchen (if only because he was clearly incompetent), gets busted eating leftover fish in the kitchen, like a freaking raccoon in a chef smock. “Haven’t you got enough in there?” Gordon Ramsey asked, expressing the least of our concerns.
Why Would You Eat the Bow?, Real Housewives of Orange County
Who eats the frosting bow on a cake? More importantly, who gets so upset when they realize that somebody ate the frosting bow on a cake that they call it “classless and disgusting?” A real housewife, that’s who.
Housekeeping Wake Up Call, The Surreal Life
When New Kid on the Block Jordan Knight wasn’t pleased with the sleeping arrangements, he decided to make life equally as miserable for all the other B-list celebs in the Surreal Life cast by knocking on their hotel doors and shrieking, “Housekeeeeeping!” Class act all the way.
“Where’z Tha Beeeech?”, Jersey Shore
We feel Snooki’s pain. Who among us hasn’t drank way too many cocktails and then couldn’t find the beach even though it was right in front of them? Oh yeah, that’s right, literally NO ONE does that.
Fruit Loop, Big Brother
You know how some things just sound cooler in your head than they do coming out of your mouth? That must’ve been the case with Zach, when he tried to epically burn one of the houseguests with “Well, ya fruit loop dingus—I bet you didn’t see this coming.” Um… okay.
Paris Hilton Has Never Heard of Walmart, The Simple Life
We knew Paris Hilton was out of touch even before she and buddy Nicole Richie got their own TV show. But when The Simple Life premiered and she was forced to interact with normal people, and figure out what the heck Walmart is — her best guess: “They sell Wall stuff?” — we saw the true depth of her privilege.
Ozzy Osbourne Goes After a Stray Cat, The Osbournes
Wait, didn’t this guy bite the head off a bat? How has it come to this?
Horse Pants, Shark Tank
Leave it to Jimmy Kimmel to deliver the single best pitch in Shark Tank’s history. “Years ago I took my family to a petting zoo,” he told the panel of investors. “I was disturbed by what I saw, and more importantly what my family saw. Every animal there was naked.”
So he came up with the idea of pants for horses, specifically “docker-style khaki,” also available in cargo shorts and Spanx. It was a joke, sure, but we could totally see these things becoming best-sellers. And for more ways to tickle your funny bone, don’t miss the 20 Funny Things to Ask Your Amazon Alexa.
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