40 Reasons Getting Divorced In Your 40s Isn't So Bad
Flying solo at the pinnacle of your life offers a treasure trove of opportunity.
Few people walk down the aisle anticipating that they'll be divvying up assets in just a few years. However, no matter how good your intentions are when entering a marriage, for many people, "I do" doesn't necessarily mean forever. According to research conducted by Penn State professor Dr. Paul Amato, the divorce rate still hovers between 43 and 46 percent for married adults, making for a veritable minefield of broken hearts out there.
The good news? (Yes, there's good news.) Divorce can be awesome, especially as you get older. Divorce at 40 can give you a new lease on life while your best years are still ahead. Instead of feeling like you've failed at marriage, you'll come to realize that divorce is simply another step toward success—at life.
You'll Be Happier
A bad marriage rarely makes people happy. Staying together with your spouse for the kids, for the financial benefits, or simply because you're scared to be alone will leave you with a life full of regrets in the long run. In fact, one study by Avvo revealed that the majority of divorced women studied did not regret their decision to end their marriage and actually found themselves happier living the single life.
It's Better For Your Kids
Angry, resentful parents are rarely the ones most capable of raising healthy, happy kids. A study conducted by researchers at Auburn University found that parental discord had a profound effect on children's wellbeing and that staying in a bad marriage led to worse outcomes for children than a divorce did. Considering that most people have kids in their 20s and 30s, your children are also likely better-equipped to handle this kind of change by the time you're in your 40s than they would have been years prior.
You Can Focus on Your Career
Your 20s and 30s are often spent figuring out your interests and finding a job that works for you. However, with more than a decade of work under your belt, your 40s are a great time to focus on professional achievement. Fortunately, without a bad marriage occupying your time and mental energy, it will be easier than ever to reach your work goals.
You'll Have Time to Pursue New Passions
Your husband didn't love the theater, so you've never seen a Broadway show. Your wife didn't want to dance, so you never learned the cha-cha. Without the baggage of a deteriorating marriage holding you back, you'll have plenty of time to do the things your partner didn't want to. And with the confidence that's often gained naturally in your 40s, you won't feel the least bit embarrassed about doing them alone.
You Can Reevaluate Your Priorities
When you're married, your individual priorities often get pushed aside in favor of the We. "We feel strongly about this political issue," "We don't do that in this house," and so on. However, when you're flying solo, you have a brand-new opportunity to discover what you actually consider important without your partner's influence. Bring on the I.
Changing Your Relationship Sparks Other Change
Making a big change, like deciding to divorce at 40, can often be the catalyst for smaller changes, too. If you've been feeling unmotivated about making a career change, renovating your home, or just getting to the gym more, the opportunity for reinvention a divorce offers might just kick things into gear.
It Provides You Time For Self-Reflection
It may be clear to you that your spouse was completely at fault for everything in your relationship. However, actually spending some time alone post-divorce provides you plenty of time to reflect on your own contributions to your relationship's demise. In the end, this will make it easier to change your bad habits going forward.
You'll Have Better Sex
According to one study published in Women in the World, women don't even begin to hit their sexual stride until after their 36th birthday. If you find yourself single in your 40s, you've got a lot of fun sex on the horizon.
You'll Gain Confidence
When you don't have a spouse to prop you up, you'll have to figure out how to muster confidence all on your own. Fortunately, many men and women find themselves more confident in their bodies, in the bedroom, and in their careers in their 40s than they did earlier in life. This newfound confidence makes it a whole lot easier to feel good about your post-divorce life.
You'll Have Opportunities to Travel Solo
Traveling alone allows you to experience new places and new cultures in a way you never would with a partner. From seeing the sights your partner wasn't interested in to staying out dancing all night, traveling solo can even change the way you experience places you've been a million times.
It Makes You a More Attentive Parent
When you're dealing with marriage turmoil, it's difficult to focus on the people who need your attention most: Your children. However, when that needy spouse is a thing of the past, you'll finally be able to focus on being the kind of parent you want to be.
You'll Break Out of the "One True Love" Mindset
Committing yourself to one person for the rest of your life sets unrealistic expectations about how one person can emotionally fulfill another. The good news? Getting divorced in your 40s, when you're old enough to realize what you want and need from a relationship, can help you realize that your emotional (and physical) needs don't have to be met by a single person.
You'll Have Time For Creative Endeavors
Being married often means that the amount of alone time you enjoy is virtually nil. However, with divorce at 40, you might just find yourself with plenty of time alone—and that's a good thing. Researchers at the University of Buffalo have found that spending time alone is linked to increased creativity, giving you plenty of projects to look forward to when you're flying solo.
It Will Make You More Ambitious
A bad partner can be the mortal enemy of ambition. Whether your spouse wants you to stay home to raise the kids or just be home every day by 5, those pressures can often make it seem like your ambition isn't worthwhile. Fortunately, with that bad marriage gone, you can be as ambitious as you want without feeling you're stepping on your partner's toes.
You Have Time to Reinvent Yourself
As we get older, our ability to shrug off other people's opinions increases, making our 40s prime time for reinvention. Post-divorce is the perfect time to get that crazy haircut, start singing karaoke, or take that dream job overseas.
You Can Put Your Needs First
As every advice book and prying relative will tell you, marriage is all about compromise. However, divorce at 40 means you can finally put your needs first. Better yet, you'll understand—and be able to properly communicate—those needs a whole lot better than you did during the self-discovery of your 20s and 30s.
It Removes Negativity From Your Life
A bad marriage, and the negativity that comes along with it, can put a major damper on your day-to-day life. When the source of that negativity has flown the coop, you'll be able to appreciate all the positive things your life has to offer.
Divorce Gives You Incentive to Get Your Finances in Order
For many people, marriage and the financial boost that comes along with it can mean you're living beyond your individual, personal means. When your spouse's income or inherited wealth are gone, however, you'll be forced to create a budget of your own. Luckily, in your 40s, you still have plenty of time to save for retirement.
You'll Have to Make an Effort Not to Be Lonely
Forcing yourself to not be lonely, even when you're alone, is a seriously valuable skill in the long run. When you divorce at 40, you'll either have to figure out how to make new friends or learn ways to feel less lonely during those times you're on your own.
You Can Break Bad Relationship Habits
There's no time like the present to break those bad relationship habits that have kept you down. Whether your partners are habitual cheaters or you just don't listen to each other, getting divorced in your 40s can put an end to those bad habits. Better yet, you'll have plenty of time to build new, healthy ones in their place.
It Pushes You to Problem-Solve
Having a spouse often means that certain things are their sole responsibility, like cooking, cleaning, or paying bills. Getting divorced in your 40s means you're old enough to not be willing to trade in home-cooked meals for ramen every night, but are still young enough to quickly learn how to do all the things your spouse once did for you.
You'll Have More Time to Spend With Friends
Remember your friends? They're still out there, and they're just as awesome as you remembered. When you divorce at 40, you finally have time for them. Better yet, by the time you're in your 40s, those friends who weren't worth your while have fallen by the wayside.
You'll Be Less Stressed Out
A bad relationship can put major stress on virtually every part of your life. Fortunately, getting divorced as you approach middle age can help you prolong your life, too. Research published in the BMJ reveals that psychological distress, like that caused by an unhappy marriage, is positively correlated with everything from cancer to death.
It Gives Your Kids a Healthier Relationship Model
Kids pick up on discord at home. Research even suggests that they tend to repeat the patterns they see in their own relationships later in life. However, getting divorced in your 40s means you have plenty of time to show them what healthy love looks like.
You'll Get to Explore Different Types of Relationships
Just because you committed yourself one person in the past doesn't mean that's your forever fate. With a bad marriage behind you in your 40s, you have lots of time to explore the kind of relationship that will work for you, whether that means casual dating, polyamory, or a committed relationship with someone new.
It Makes You Get Healthier
Stress and stagnation are killers—literally. Marital stress is linked to an increased risk of death, but research conducted at the University of Arizona suggests that divorce is associated with weight loss and better health.
You'll Realize You Can Do Things That Scare You
After spending years with a date on your arm, the prospect of doing things alone can be scary. However, you might find you actually enjoy those leisure activities more without a spouse you've fallen out of love with. In fact, a study published in the Journal of Consumer Research and discussed in the Washington Post revealed that even people who were nervous about doing things like having a drink or going to a museum alone actually enjoyed themselves just as much as those who went with someone.
You Can Be Sure This Isn't an Impulse Decision
Getting divorced in your 20s after a bad fight can be an impulse decision. Divorce at 40 rarely is. When you're in your 40s, you're certainly mature enough to make this decision, and are less likely to be hounded by the frequent "are you sure" queries from well-intentioned, but ultimately annoying, friends and family.
It Helps You Realize What You Do Want In a Relationship
It sometimes takes a bad relationship to discover what constitutes a good one. Coming out of a bad marriage in your 40s gives you the perspective you need to start a relationship with a partner who is all the things your ex wasn't, whether you want a good listener or someone with more financial stability.
You'll Avoid the Middle-Age Slump
CDC data revealed that more people find themselves depressed during middle age than at any other point in life, and an unhappy marriage is likely to make those symptoms even more pronounced. Fortunately, ending a bad relationship in your 40s can help you beat this common middle-aged slump and help you find happiness that your marriage lacked.
You Can Build a Better Family Unit
A good family can take any shape. After the lessons you learn from your divorce, you can spend your 40s and 50s building a better family unit for you and your kids.
You Won't Have to Feel Bad About Taking Care of Yourself
It probably felt self-indulgent to pamper yourself when you could have been spending time with your spouse. However, your free time belongs to you alone after your divorce. So, go ahead and indulge in all those bubble baths, massages, and mornings spent sleeping late that you missed while married.
It Makes You a Better Communicator
If your marriage broke down because of communication issues, getting a divorce at 40 might help you develop going forward. The mediation beforehand—and therapy that follows—can force you to become a better communicator in the long run.
Divorce Stops Being As Taboo When You Get Older
When you get divorced at 25, you might feel like you're the only one with a bad marriage under their belt. However, at 40-plus, you can rest assured you'll have plenty of divorced friends to show you the ropes.
You Can Enjoy Greater Calm
When all that discord that went into your marriage is over, you get to replace it with a calm you probably haven't enjoyed in years. Meditative mornings lead to afternoons doing what you want, followed by evenings spent hanging out with who you want and going to bed when you feel like it.
It Makes You More Independent
Divorce at 40 means you can get to know a new, independent side of yourself. All those things you used to think of as couples activities are suddenly a lot more fun when you're exploring them solo in your 40s.
You Can Get to Know Your Kids As an Individual
Parenting when you're married is a tag-team event. After a divorce, you get to know your kids on a whole new level. Solo time with your little ones without your spouse around can drastically improve your relationship with them for the better.
You and Your Ex Have a Better Chance of Staying Friends
At 25, a divorce often comes along with a salt-the-earth mentality. However, when you get divorced in your 40s, you're more than mature enough to keep things civil. Depending on your situation, that can mean effectively co-parenting (or simply not hiding if you see your ex at a party).
Older Relationships Bring Less Pressure
By the time you're in your 40s, the expectations of a relationship aren't the same as they were at 25. By this age, most people who want to get married or have kids have already done so. This allows new relationships to progress at a more natural pace without the "where is this going?" mentality creeping in.
You'll Live Longer
If you want to live a long, happy life, getting out of your bad marriage ASAP. According to 116-year-old Emma Morano, who held the title of world's oldest woman until her death in early 2017, divorcing her husband in middle age was the secret to her longevity. Well, that and eating two raw eggs a day.
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