30 Coffee Quotes for Anyone Who Just Can't Function Without It

"I'd rather take coffee than compliments just now."

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Are you a coffee connoisseur? Does your barista start preparing your order as soon as they see you? Can you even function before you smell a freshly brewed pot? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you'll certainly identify with our 30 favorite coffee quotes. And to feel even better about your daily brushes with the bean, here are 30 Incredible Health Benefits Coming From Your Cup of Coffee.

Morning Coffee Quotes

Isn't the smell of coffee the best alarm clock

  1. "I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake."
    Lewis Black
  2. "Don't stir all the warmth out of your party, drink it."
    Kate ChopinThe Awakening
  3. "I never laugh until I have my coffee."
    Clark Gable
  4. "I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless."
    Napoleon Bonaparte
  5. "Isn't the smell of coffee the best alarm clock?"
    S.A. Tawks, The Spirit of Pessimism
  6. "I love coffee. I sometimes get excited at night thinking of the coffee I'll get to drink in the morning. Coffee is reason to wake up. There are other reasons, of course. But coffee is the incentive, at the very least."
    Annie Clark
  7. "We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup."
    Jerry Seinfeld

Inspirational Coffee Quotes

I have a strong theory that you can tell a lot about someone by their coffee order.

  1. "Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it. Don't wait for it. Just let it happen. It could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot black coffee."
    Kyle MacLachlan as Dale Cooper, Twin Peaks
  2. "Coffee was only a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your slightly older self."
    Terry Pratchett
  3. "I have measured out my life with coffee spoons."
    T.S. Eliot
  4. "Like all good things in life, the drinking of coffee may be abused."
    William Harrison Ukers
  5. "For everything bad, there's a million really exciting things, whether it's someone puts out a really great book, there's a new movie, there's a new detective, the sky is unbelievably golden, or you have the best cup of coffee you ever had in your life."
    Patti Smith
  6. "After all, coffee is bitter, a flavor from the forbidden and dangerous realm."
    Diane Ackerman
  7. "I have a strong theory that you can tell a lot about someone by their coffee order."
    Emmie Lee Dean
  8. "Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after."
    Anne Morrow Lindbergh
  9. "Coffee is a lot more than just a drink; it's something happening. Not as in hip, but like an event, a place to be, but not like a location, but like somewhere within yourself. It gives you time, but not actual hours or minutes, but a chance to be, like be yourself, and have a second cup."
    Gertrude Stein
  10. "Black as night, sweet as sin."
    Neil GaimanAnansi Boys

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Funny Coffee Quotes

I believe humans get a lot done, not because we're smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee.

  1. "A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems."
    Alfréd Rényi
  2. "Iced coffee might be cold, but it was made in heaven."
    Anthony T. Hincks
  3. "You did it! Congratulations! World's best cup of coffee! Great job, everybody! It's great to be here."
    Will Ferrell as Buddy, Elf
  4. "What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup."
    Henry Rollins
  5. "The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, et cetera. So people who don't know what the hell they're doing, or who on earth they are, can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall. Decaf. Cappuccino."
    Tom Hanks as Joe Fox, You've Got Mail
  6. "I never said I liked coffee better than sex. I said I'd had it more."
    Kevin Sinnott
  7. "Almost all my middle-aged and elderly acquaintances, including me, feel about 25, unless we haven't had our coffee, in which case we feel 107."
    Martha Beck
  8. "I'd rather take coffee than compliments just now."
    Louisa May AlcottLittle Women
  9. "I just want a hot cup of coffee, black, and I don't want to hear about your troubles."
    Charles Bukowski
  10. "I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup."
    Eddie Izzard
  11. "Till such time that there are strong men in this world, a woman would prefer strong coffee!"
    Manoj Vaz
  12. "I believe humans get a lot done, not because we're smart, but because we have thumbs so we can make coffee."
    Flash Rosenberg
  13. "Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever."
    David Letterman
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