The 5 Worst Things to Text Your Partner in the Morning, Therapists Say
These are the messages you want to avoid first thing in the day.
The "good morning text" is something we've all likely received or sent at some point. Beth Ribarsky, PhD, a relationship expert and professor of interpersonal communication at the University of Illinois Springfield, tells Best Life that these morning messages are not necessary for every relationship, but they can provide reassurance and consistency for partners.
"Daily relational rituals like this can help provide a bit of glue to keep a couple connected," she explains. But don't accidentally start your day off on the wrong foot. After all, not every good morning text might actually be all that good.
Talking to experts, we gathered some of the top things you should always avoid texting your partner first thing each day. Read on to find out more about the five worst things to text your partner in the morning.
READ THIS NEXT: Never End a Text Message Like This, Experts Warn.
"My day is fine, thanks for asking."
If you are someone who likes receiving morning messages from your significant other but have not, don't use that as a reason to lash out first thing over text.
Anna Hindell, LCSW, a psychotherapist and yoga teacher working for a private practice in New York City, advises people to avoid sending their partner a passive-aggressive message in the morning when they haven't heard from them. So go ahead and delete that "My day is fine, thanks for asking" text.
"These texts aren't straightforward and don't express your need," Hindell says. "The morning can be a time of a new beginning and new start for people, so you may want to have a positive tone in your text as it is a new day. You also may not know what is going on with your partner, so don't make an assumption if you don't hear from the person."
"Call me when you wake up. It's urgent."
No one wants to feel anxious from the very moment they wake up. But vague morning messages can produce this response, according to Jordyn Mastrodomenico, LCADC, clinical director at the in-person treatment center Choice Point. For instance, texting your partner "call me when you wake up, it's urgent" can induce panic for them, even when it's not necessary.
"Do not scare them the minute they open their eyes," Mastrodomenico says. "Either tell them the urgency or don't text at all. What happens is that the other person will expect you to give them the worst news and you might just want to talk to them about something very normal."
"Here's a list of what I need you to do today."
Waking up to check your own to-do list can be stress-inducing enough. So the last thing your partner wants to receive in the morning is a text from you with a list of what you need them to get done today, says GinaMarie Guarino, LMHC, a licensed mental health counselor with PsychPoint.
"If you are sending out reminders about responsibilities, requests for help or chores, or frustrations about things not being done yet, you may notice your partner being impatient with you," she explains. "Your partner probably doesn't want to wake up to a list of demands, even if you have been up and moving hours before them. Receiving a to-do list can feel demanding and ungrateful, and it is not a warm message to receive when you are just starting your day."
But this doesn't mean you can't communicate your needs to your significant other. Instead, Guarino simply recommends that you avoid making that your first correspondence with your partner on any day. "Start with kind and loving words that help your partner feel loved and wanted. If there are things that you need to instruct your partner to take care of, wait until after you have checked in with them and see how they are feeling," she advises.
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"Why didn't I hear from you last night?"
A good relationship doesn't require constant digital communication. With that in mind, Ribarsky says you should avoid starting the day by interrogating your partner via text with something along the lines of, "why didn't I hear from you last night?"
"People get busy or simply fall asleep," she explains. "A text like this has an inherently accusatory and distrusting tone."
Isabella Meyer, a psychology expert and the editor at Artincontext, says bad morning texts like this between couples can often be a "sign of a strained relationship," especially if they're overly critical. "If couples are sending each other negative and unkind messages, it could be time to take a step back, take a break, and give each other some space," Meyer says.
The good morning text has been pushed heavily among relationship culture, but experts say it's actually not a good thing to text in the morning by itself.
According to Chelsea Leigh Trescott, a relationship coach and podcast host of Thank You Heartbreak, one of the worst things you can text in the morning is anything that lacks specificity for the person you're sending it to.
"In other words, a bad morning text simply says, 'good morning,'" she says. "The reason a 'good morning' text is actually a bad text is that it's an empty gesture that begs the question, is this message just on the top of a person's to-do list and actually lacks thoughtfulness and intention, or is the sender saying the bare minimum in order to keep up with the status quo and not rock the boat?"
But on the other hand, there is something to be said for a little bit of simplicity in these morning texts, too. According to Orit Krug, a board-certified therapist, couples counselor, and CEO of Orit Krug, Inc., it's best to stick to messages that are less likely to create friction. "Keep it simple and straightforward," Krug advises. "Don't use anything that can remotely be misconstrued as negative."