7 Things Only Cheaters Say
Expert share the hints you should be listening for when your partner is talking.
Infidelity is not always an easy thing to hide, as suspicions, questions, and concerns will usually make their way to the surface eventually. So if your partner is trying to pull a fast one on you, they may need to work overtime to come up with excuses and explanations to give you. After talking to relationship experts, we discovered that there are some particular phrases that will easily give an unfaithful person away. Read on for the seven things only cheaters say.
"You're just being paranoid."
Your significant other may try to get you to question your own sanity if they're doing shady things behind your back. Cheaters often do this by saying things like, "You're just being paranoid," if they worry you're uncovering some of their lies, according to Sanam Hafeez, PsyD, NYC-based neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind.
"Cheaters might use this [phrase] to deflect or invalidate their partner's feelings when confronted with suspicions," she explains.
"I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of this."
If they're not trying to make you feel crazy, they may attempt to convince you that you're being too emotional instead, Hafeez adds. Comments like "I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of this" are typically used to minimize their actions or any evidence you may have, according to the neuropsychologist.
"By doing this, cheaters can make their partners feel unreasonable or overly dramatic," she warns.
"Why are you always questioning me?"
A cheater may also try to put you in the hot seat by accusing you of "always" questioning them, Jennifer Kelman, LCSW, a therapist and relationship expert working with JustAnswer, tells Best Life.
"People who are cheating want to hide their behavior and turn things around by asking aggressive questions and trying to put their partner off-kilter," she says. "They will do what they can to hide things and feel that their partner has no right to question them or what they say."
"We're just friends."
If you're suspicious about the relationship between your significant other and another person, you may end up hearing a common rationalization: "We're just friends." But while this can be true, it's a defense often co-opted by cheaters as an excuse to hide their lies, according to Hafeez.
"In the context of infidelity, it might be used to downplay the extent of a relationship," she explains.
"It was just a work thing."
Infidelity is commonly hidden under the cover of a person's work life. So someone who is cheating might say phrases including "It was just a work thing" or "I was working late" to account for their absences, Hafeez explains. "These are common alibis that easily mask time spent with someone else," she says.
"Why don't you trust me?"
Trust is a vital part of any relationship. If your significant other is cheating, they may try to convince you that your "trust issues" are the actual problem at play. "They project this onto their partner and blame them for being suspicious," Kelman says.
As Hafeez further explains, asking questions like "why don't you trust me?" also helps a cheater move the spotlight off of them and their infidelity. "Turning the tables and making it about your lack of trust can divert attention from their actions," she adds.
"I can't do this anymore."
If your partner is afraid that their lies may be coming to light, they may even hint that they're going to break up with you, Kelman warns. Rather than taking responsibility, however, they'll make you feel like it's your fault and that "your constant nagging is just too much," she adds.
"The cheater wants to keep things hidden so it is much easier to cast blame than take responsibility," Kelman explains. "They use threatening sentences such as 'I can't do this anymore,' which may create fear in their partner and they may relent."
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