This Dad's Viral Facebook Post Wonderfully Explains How to Support Your Wife After She Has a Baby

"Change every diaper you can."

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Everyone knows giving birth is no picnic. Many new moms suffer from postpartum depression and struggle with the immense demands of a newborn. What they need most is a supportive partner, which is why husband and dad-of-three Ted Gonder is getting so much praise for his recent Facebook post. In September, Gonder, 29, posted the advice he would give to his "childless 24-year-old self about how to be a supportive partner during the 'becoming parents' phase" and it's right on the money.

I'm now 29 and have 3 kids with my wife Franziska who carried and birthed them all like a pro. Here's what I would tell…

Posted by Ted Gonder on Wednesday, September 18, 2019

Firstly, he noted, since your wife "carried the baby IN her belly for nine months," it's up to you to carry the baby "ON your belly for nine months every chance you get." Gonder insightfully added that this not only helps a new mom heal from giving birth, but also "bonds you to your kid more than imaginable."

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Secondly, you have to change diapers as much as possible. "You will get over the grossness fast," he counseled. "And you will prevent imbalances and resentment in the relationship." As an added bonus, while other new moms complain about how unsupportive their husbands are, "your wife will be bragging about you." Which, of course, is always a good thing.

And we all know expressing love is often all about the little things. So why not make the new mom in your life decaf coffee every morning? "Even if she leaves it cold and forgets to drink it most mornings," it's the gesture that counts, he explained. And if she does drink it, Gonder added, it'll "help start her day in a way that helps her reset."

 

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And since new moms tend to lament their post-baby bodies, it's important to "tell her she is beautiful and help her see that in the moments when she is feeling most self-critical and hopeless about her body," Gonder noted. He suggested reminding her that she's a "superhero" who "literally just moved all her organs around" to "give you a child that will be a gift to you for the rest of your life."

Finally, he advised, be compassionate. Having a baby does some pretty radical things to a woman's hormones, so be patient with her on the days when she seems a little more irritable than usual. "Remember your job is to be her rock through all of this, so toughen up and keep perspective when her tongue is sharper than you know her best self intends," he wrote. "Normal will return soon and you want her to be grateful that you kept it together … not resentful and disappointed that you hijacked her emotions by making her problems yours."

 

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Gonder's post has received more than 57,000 likes since it went up in September, as well as plenty of comments from people who couldn't agree more with his advice for supporting a new mom.

"Love this so much!" one Facebook user wrote. "Hope to have such a respectful and dedicated partner someday."

"It goes both ways," Gonder responded. "It helps to be married to your best friend."

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Thank you, my love, for our beautiful children. Thank you for your family and relationship vision and belief in what we could build together, especially during times when I lacked proactive vision. Thank you for reminding me to take myself less seriously (especially in the mornings before coffee). Thank you for your courage to be radically yourself regardless of what others–including me–have thought. Thank you for owning your fears and asking for help when you need it. Thank you for taking care of your head and heart so that you have lasting emotional energy in the tank. Thank you for taking care of your body so you can participate as an equal partner with me physically, even through multiple pregnancies. Thank you for voicing your feelings before they are opinions, and the trust it takes for you to know I will hear you out before judging your feelings. Thank you for the patience to help me appreciate your invested household emotional labor–and then share the load. Thank you for always raising the bar for yourself, for us, for me–you make complacency impossible. And thank you for setting this example for our boys, of a strong, self-respecting, boundary-setting, ultrareal, baggage-shedding, norm-challenging, professionally ambitious, and fun-loving woman. It's such a joy to grow this garden with you. #family #love #relationshipgoals

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Well, that's just the sweetest. And for more great dads, check out Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's Daughter Taught Him a Very Important Lesson at His Wedding.

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Diana Bruk
Diana is a senior editor who writes about sex and relationships, modern dating trends, and health and wellness. Read more
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