Spanning nearly 40 years of hip-hop history, these lines show that MCs have always had a knack for cracking wise, whether it’s at their own expense or that of their rivals. And while some rappers deliver cutting insults, some just like spitting puns that would make the corniest dad proud, as evidenced by these hilarious rap lyrics. And if visual humor is more your style, check out the 30 Funniest Celebrity Teen Photos.
“It’s kinda hard to imagine, like Kanye West coming back from his fatal accident to beatmaking and rapping.”
Kanye West, “Slow Jamz”
“She got a light skin friend, look like Michael Jackson. Got a dark skin friend, look like Michael Jackson.”
Will Smith, “Parents Just Don’t Understand”
“If you don’t want to, I can live with that, but you gotta put back the double-knit reversible slacks.”
Will Smith’s reputation as a wholesome rapper got its start with songs like “Parents Just Don’t Understand,” thanks to PG jokes about pants. However, he’s always been a laugh riot: it’s no surprise his TV show is one of the 30 Funniest Sitcoms of All Time.
“Girl you’re hot and cold. That makes you warm..”
Run DMC, “You Be Illin'”
“Dinner: you ate it. There is none left. It was salty with butter, and it was def. You proceeded to eat it cos you was in the mood. But homes you did not read it was a can of dog food.”
In addition to eating a can of dog food, you are also illin’ if you order McDonald’s at a KFC, forget which sporting event you are attending, and try to hit on a girl despite having terrible breath, according to Run DMC.
Big Tymers, “Still Fly”
“Have you ever seen crocodile seats in the truck? Turn around, sit down, let ’em bite yo butt.”
Don’t ever doubt the authenticity of Big Tymers’ crocodile skin upholstery.
Jay-Z, “It’s Hot”
“Thirty-eight revolve like the sun round the Earth.”
Hey, if it were the 1400s, nobody would be questioning Jay-Z’s lyrics at all. He may not be the best at astronomy, but he’s pretty clearly got a few other things right: just check out Jay-Z’s 8 Best Life Tips.
Ludacris, “Stand Up”
“Watch out for the medallion. My diamonds are reckless. It feels like a midget is hanging from my necklace.”
Eminem, “Just Lose It”
“Chuba chuba chuba chuba chuba chuba chubby. I don’t have any lines to go right here, so chuby Teletubby.”
Is Eminem an amazing rapper? Yes. But they can’t all be “Stan.”
Insane Clown Posse, “Miracles”
“I fed a fish to a pelican at Frisco bay. It tried to eat my cell phone. He ran away.”
Everybody thinks of the line about magnets when they think of this Insane Clown Posse song about miracles and science. It’s a shame, really, because that means people sleep on this line.
J. Cole, “Head Bussa”
“She said, ‘Boy, you want your cake and eat it too.’ I said it’s cake. That’s what you’re supposed to do.”
Say what you will about J. Cole, but he knows what cake is for.
Hurricane Chris, “A Bay Bay”
“It’s so hot up in da club that I ain’t got no shoes on.”
One would think the first thing to come off would be the shirt, but Hurricane Chris goes straight to taking his shoes off in the club.
Kanye, “All Falls Down”
“Couldn’t afford a car, so she named her daughter Alexis.”
Some people always find the silver lining, according to Kanye.
Logic, “Live on Air”
“I swear I’m not a violent guy. Once upon a time I brought a Super Soaker to a drive-by.”
Logic’s good guy persona extends even into his lyrics about drive-bys.
Jay-Z, “22 Twos”
“At your wake, as I peek in, look in your casket, feeling sarcastic. ‘Look at him, still sleeping.'”
Cracking jokes at a funeral is possibly the epitome of dark humor.
Ghostface Killah, “Nutmeg”
“Scooby snack, jurassic plastic, gas booby trap.”
It’s not entirely clear (or clear at all) what Ghostface is talking about, but it’s still pretty funny.
Lil Wayne, “Hard Body”
“I been around. I’m still around, like them Geico cavemen.”
In addition to being incredibly crass, Lil Wayne is actually also incredibly funny.
Sir Mix-A-Lot, “Baby Got Back”
“Oh, Rump-o’-smooth-skin, you say you wanna get in my Benz?”
Sir Mix-A-Lot’s biggest (only) hit is peppered with funny lines like this one.
Young MC, “Bust a Move”
“Music comes on people start to dance, but then you ate so much you nearly split your pants.”
Young MC’s big hit is an ode to the challenges of dating in the modern world.
Lil Wayne, “S On My Chest”
“Ridin’ through the city in a Tonka toy. I got old money, coulda bought a dinosaur.”
Further proof that Lil Wayne knows how to crack a joke.
Vanilla Ice, “Ice Ice Baby”
“Something grabs a hold of me tightly. Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly.”
There are so many things other than harpoons that actually flow, highlighting why this is considered one of the worst rap songs of all time.
Digital Underground, “The Humpty Dance”
“I like my beats funky. I’m spunky. I like my oatmeal lumpy”
The entire song is funny, but this line is a real stand-out.
Lil Wayne, “Black Republicans”
“Rock star, flyer than an ostrich.”
Probably not the best boast Juelz Santana could have come up with, considering ostriches can’t fly at all.
Sugarhill Gang, “Rapper’s Delight”
“Have you ever went over a friend’s house to eat, and the food just ain’t no good? I mean the macaroni’s soggy; the peas are mushed, and the chicken tastes like wood.”
Some people just don’t have what it takes to live up to the Sugarhill Gang’s high culinary standards.
Pharcyde, “Ya Mama”
“Ya mama is so big and fat that she can get busy with twenty-two burritos, but times are rough. I seen her in the back of Taco Bell with handcuffs.”
Obviously, a song that is basically a string of yo’ mama jokes is going to be funny.
Childish Gambino, “Sweatpants”
“More green than my Whole Foods, and I’m too fly—Jeff Goldblum.”
Childish Gambino is probably the only rapper who can make references to Jeff Goldblum’s role in The Fly seem cool.
Public Enemy, “Cold Lampin’ With Flavor”
“You’re eating dirt cause you like getting dirt from the graveyard. You put gravy on it. Then you pick your teeth with tombstone chips.”
This insanity is what happens when you give Flavor Flav his own song.
Destiny’s Child, “Get on the Bus”
“Why you sleeping with your eyes closed?”
Destiny’s Child’s grasp on how sleep works is tenuous, at best.
Warren G, “What’s Next”
“I say what’s next? What’s next? What’s N-X-E-T?”
Spelling is hard, even for rap pros like Warren G.
Biz Markie, “Just a Friend”
“I asked her her name. She said blahblahblah. She had 9/10 pants and a very big bra.”
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