Do you often find yourself longing for the good old days? Do you ever feel like you were born in the wrong decade? Do you ever find yourself staring at your phone and saying, “Man, life was so much easier before you came around?” Yes, living an old-fashioned life has a major appeal, especially in a time where it’s become normal to yell at a faceless woman named Alexa to “buy more cat food.” Studies have even found that nostalgia can even raise our spirits and vitality. And while there are plenty of reasons to miss those halcyon days, some things—we’re looking at you, doctors with leeches—are better left in the past.
That said, some aren’t—and to this day, people still exhibit this aged behavior. Herein, we’ve compiled a list of indicators that you’re seriously old-fashioned, from how you dress to how you date to how you do your décor. See if you’re not less 2018 and more 1918. And for more blasts from the past, check out these 30 Outdated History Lessons That Will Make You Cringe in 2018.
You dress to the nines when you go out.
Dressing up to you is more than not wearing pajamas to the grocery store. Suits with three pieces and dresses with straps and belts are your minimum for leaving the house. Not that you’re comparing, but you’d definitely get the award for “Best Dressed at the DMV.”
Your house is covered in doilies.
There’s decorating and then there are doilies. These frail pieces of cloth underscore your vases, plates, and virtually any surface you felt needed a bit of freshening up. And for more ways your home is giving you away, learn the 30 Ways Your Home Is Hopelessly Outdated.
You address everyone as either “sir” or “ma’am.”
If you’re not in the military or talking to your prom date’s dad, addressing someone as “sir” will get you raised eyebrows or possibly a tip. And “ma’am” is usually reserved for politely refusing expired coupons. But used regularly, addressing people with respect becomes a charming, albeit old-fashioned, affect that makes everyone feel important. And tips on politeness that have stood the test of time, check out these 23 Old-Fashioned Etiquette Rules That Still Apply.
Every piece of art in your house is a portrait of a dead relative.
You can tell a lot about a person by the art they choose for their home, but for you it’s a literal family tree going back five generations. No matter how well the rendering of Great Great Grandpa Jedediah is, it’s always uncomfortable for guests to see him staring back while they’re in the bathroom.
Walks are your primary form of entertainment.
Most of us spend our evenings inside, bingeing on violent dramas and goofy sitcoms. Meanwhile, you’re outside just walking. You don’t have a dog or any destination in particular; you’re just clearing your mind and getting some fresh air.
You ask people out for dates in person.
While most of us have resigned ourselves to late night texts as peak romance, you delight in asking people out in person. Luckily, for those who share your feelings, it’s still a delight to be called on with flowers in hand and actual dinner plans. And if you’re ready to join the 21st century dating scene, here are the Best Dating Apps for People Over 40.
You use words like “jalopy” and “keen.”
Slang is ever-changing and difficult to track—just ask any dentist who is alarmed by children swinging their arms when he tells them to floss. People might not always understand you, but they generally get the idea when you exclaim “Poppycock!” And for more fun words you don’t hear anymore, check out 50 Vintage Slang Words That Sound Hilarious Today.
Your grooming routine involves a lot oils and wax.
We all have our secrets to getting that perfect look, yours just has a lot more steps than most people’s—that handlebar mustache won’t handlebar itself, after all. In your eyes, beauty products these days are overcomplicated and loaded with unpronounceable chemicals, and you just prefer a product that’s had a century’s worth of beta testers.
Your sleepwear covers most of your body.
For most people, a cap and gown is only an acceptable outfit for your high school graduation. For you, it’s standard bedtime apparel. If you feel the need to cover up before tucking in, chances are you’re more old-fashioned than most.
Your preferred cooking methods don’t require fancy technology.
We may live in an age of sous vide machines and Sodastream, but you know that the best things in life are hard-earned. Boiling and baking will always trump microwaving in your mind. And those pre-made mixes in the grocery store? Who needs ’em?
You regularly handwrite letters.
Receiving a handwritten letter in the mail feels like getting a present, except when you open it there’s just a really boring story about how someone’s day went. While you may not get many letters back, people do appreciate the time and thought. Bonus points if you’re writing in the forgotten language of cursive.
Every sickness is treated with extreme heat.
In olden times, if you weren’t sick all the time, you were probably dead from a plague. Home cooked remedies came and went, but the old standby has always been to sweat it out. And in your mind, who needs a pill when you can wrap yourself in woolen blankets and have visions of lost loved ones?
A deck of cards can keep you busy all night.
Cards are the smartphone of the past: they easily fit in your pocket and can provide hours of entertainment. And while card playing has largely been relegated to tables in Vegas and computer solitaire these days, you know they can still bring friends together for a fun night of friendly conversation and yelling about rules.
You wear a different hat for every occasion.
The fedora, the trilby, the pillbox, the cloche, the top, the dunce. In your world, each has its purpose, whether you’re going to the races or taking a carriage ride through the park. (And yes, your social activities do involve a lot of horses.)
Modern movies aren’t to your liking
Stories used to be simple: boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy and girl get back together to perform an elaborately choreographed dance routine. Now they have to fill an IMAX screen with exploding CGI robots to get anyone interested. Of course, you know that the best movies don’t require all those theatrics—or even color or sound. And for more fun from the silver screen, check out these 40 Hilariously Impractical Things That Always Happen in Movies.
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