50 Vintage Slang Words That Sound Hilarious Today
Put down the "giggle water" or you'll be "arf'arf'an'arf," you "hoosegow."
A lot of things in culture are cyclical. They’re cool for a few years, then fall out of favor for a decade or two, and then they go back to being cool again. Just look at fashion, or music, or nutrition. (Bacon is good for you. Wait, now it’s bad for you. No, no, hold on—it’s good for you again.)
But one aspect of culture that never seems to get a second act is slang. It has a brief surge at popularity and then, with few exceptions, gets swept into the dustbin of history. Every once in awhile, a slang phrase has staying power, like “hip” or “groovy.” But those are the rare exceptions; the vast majority of slang gets one shot at glory. The phrase “cat’s pajamas” is not going to be returning to the popular vernacular anytime soon. Herein are 50 slang terms that once-upon-a-time dominated the world, today only elicit laughter. And for more fun language, learn The Top Slang Term from Every U.S. State.
If you smugly thought you were just a little bit smarter than everybody else during the 1900s, you might have had this insult hurled at you—which, to our modern ears, sounds an awful lot like a hot dog brand.
We’re sure this ’40s-era slang—an expressive way of describing a fist that’s prepared to punch you right in the face—is intended to be intimidating. But it’s always just struck us as adorable. Sorry for not trembling in fear at the mental image of your fist between two slices of bread. And for more ways to optimize your slang knowledge, see The Fascinating Origins of These 30 Common Slang Terms.
When loosely translated, this British term gives us another word for being embarrassingly intoxicated. And, when used correctly, represents the exact moment your drunk brain has had enough—and when the English language is no longer accessible.
Maybe we live in the wrong era, but when we think of cracking shins, the first thing that comes to mind isn’t “they must be a good dancer.”
In 2018, supporting veterans means thanking them for their service. But there was a time when having an admiration for the military meant that you were really impressed by their khaki uniforms. You might even say you were wacky for it. And for more ways to stay cool, check out the 100 Slang Terms From the 20th Century No One Uses Anymore.
Somebody who is particularly remarkable and special, or at least thinks they are. Like Kanye West, for instance. How many times have you said to your friends, “That Kanye West is such a sockdollager?” Probably never, right?
Back in the ’20s, the term for mocking someone who was full of baloney was applesauce. If you were full of applesauce, it’s not because you just had a delicious snack.
Another word for a cigarette. To be honest, we kinda like this one. Talk about on the nose.
Words like “drunk” and “inebriated” are so cold. If you’re going to describe how you consumed way too many adult beverages and then made a fool of yourself, why not do it with some flair? Tell your friends, “I got so zozzled last night,” and they’ll start wondering whether you’ve been hanging out with Elton John.
If you called somebody a flutterbum during the ’50s, they’d think you were complimenting their appearance. Probably not safe to try that today, as it kind of sounds like you’re tossing out an insult.
Yes, we get it, liquor can break down inhibitions and make you giggle sometimes. But this is just a creepy and weird way of talking about alcohol. Don’t believe us? Next time you host a dinner party, ask your guests if they’d like some giggle water with their meal. See how that goes.
This 1883 slang term for a policeman leaves us with a lot of questions. Do they mean mutton as in the meat, or the sideburns style? And how is it being shunted?
Yeah, yeah, we get it. Dogs drink water, so offering a person a glass of water in the 1930s meant you were essentially offering them dog soup. Except… don’t people drink water to? So when water was served to dogs, did they call it Man Soup?
Something was not so good, but now it’s great. “Yeah, we are arguing for a while, but everything is hotsy-totsy now.” You know, you don’t just have to rhyme two random words to make a gibberish word to explain an emotional state that’s basically just “It’s all fine now.”
Your hands. As in, “get yer meathooks off me!” Presumably from a time when more people had hooks coming out of their arms than actual flesh-and-blood hands. It was a rough time to be alive, my friend.
Not to be confused with the competitive sport of cattle herding, a row-de-row is a play on the word “rowdy,” or when a simple altercation turns into a full-blown fight.
Not, as you probably guessed, the name of one of the houses at Hogwarts, Harry Potter’s school. This is actually a slang word for somebody you suspect of cheating or swindling you in some way. As in, “Don’t open that email, it’s just spam sent from a hornswoggler!”
First used in the 1908 book Sorrows of a Showgirl, it became popular during the 1920s as a way of describing something that’s pleasurable or fun. If it’s berries, then it must be the best. And for more ways to keep up to date on slang, don’t miss the 40 Everyday Slang Words That Were Invented Online.
An unkind slang for an overweight person. Or at least it used to be. We’re pretty sure nobody would feel fat-shamed today if you called them jollocks.
According to the 1909 book Passing English of the Victorian Era, a nose bagger is defined as “someone who takes a day trip to the beach. He brings his own provisions and doesn’t contribute at all to the resort that he’s visiting.” Umm… okay. That’s quite the sick burn… we guess.
A coffin. Yeah, sorry, we don’t care how you dress it up, you’re not going to make a coffin sound appealing by calling it an overcoat. Not working, sneaky funeral directors!
If you got a bad case of the zorros, you’re feeling anxious or nervous. At least you were during the ’50s, when apparently everybody stopped remembering that Zorro was also the name of a masked vigilante popular in books and movies.
We can’t stop laughing about this one. If you lived during a time when underwear seemed so scandalous that they should never be mentioned, giving them a name like “unmentionables” is not helping your case. It’s just making the rest of us giggle even louder. (And no, we haven’t been drinking any giggle juice.)
An affectionate term for someone who’s clumsy or incompetent. Because obviously, if you can’t handle your fooz, then you’re nothing but a gosh darn foozler.
Victorian-era slang for someone who behaves cowardly. We’re not exactly sure why accusing somebody of having the liver of a pigeon means they possess no bravery. Do pigeons just produce bile in ways that make them avoid conflict? Why are we bringing livers into this at all? It’s such a random insult, like saying, “He’s poodle-gallbladder-ed”?
Someone who can’t or won’t stop smiling. Hey, we can think of a way to wipe that smile off their face. Just called them a gigglemug and see their expression fade from happy to quizzical.
The slang is derived from Uncle Pumblechook, a character described as the “basest of swindlers” in the Charles Dickens novel Great Expectations. So basically, not something you call a friend, unless you consider him a greedy swindler, or just a big Charles Dickens fan.
An evocative term for gentlemen with long legs who wore especially tight trousers. Which we guess was something that happened a lot in the Victorian era. So there you go, definitive proof that hipsters have been around for centuries.
Another term for a know-it-all, this word from the 1930s may have just inspired a whole chain of shirtless models, booming loud music, and spray-tanned cashiers at every mall in America. And for more language hacks, see the 40 Slang Terms No One Over 40 Should Ever Use.
Get ready for the sickest burn you ever heard in your life. An old or unmarried woman who enjoys gossiping with her friends, usually while sipping on tea and nibbling cakes, can be described as a muffin walloper. You know, because of how hard they’re walloping that muffin.
If Gen-Xers had come of age in the 1890s rather than the 1990s, they would have called themselves dewdroppers, a slang expression for slackers. Unless you think all generational slang is stupid, then we can just forget the whole thing.
Another way to say engagement ring. Or more honestly, another way to say, “I am in no way ready for marriage. This whole thing is freaking me out!”
During the 1920s, calling someone a cake eater was a slightly nicer way of calling them a ladies man. Today, calling someone a cake eater is a slightly nicer way of calling them a guy who may be eating too many pastries. Seriously, dude, you need to slow it down with the cakes or you’re going to become a jollocks.
A variation on phony-baloney, but with a pseudo-Latin theme. If one is full of baloney, or balonus, they are not to be trusted and anything they say is preemptively dismissed as fake news.
Bags o’ mystery
This centuries-old slang for sausage isn’t just fun to say, it’s harrowingly accurate. The next time you’re getting ready to bite down into a hot dog, say “This is one delicious bag o’ mystery,” and it’s like you have the devil-may-care culinary attitude of your grandfather.
Something about this slang makes us think it’s talking about baseball players falling in love. But no, it’s just old-timey speak for seduction. How people in the ’30s used to talk dirty without really talking dirty.
If you call anybody your Daddy-O and you’re not wearing a zoot suit and they’re not a trumpet player in your swing band, be prepared for them to stare back at you like you’ve lost your ever-loving mind.
A slang term offend attributed to 19th-century cowboys of the Wild West, it means jail, as on “You varmints are headin’ straight for the hoosegow.” It doesn’t sound all that bad to us, really. More like a family-friendly restaurant with crazy memorabilia on the wall then a place with bars on the windows.
A fancier way of saying inebriated which, ironically, is almost impossible to pronounce while inebriated. And for more ways to maximize your slang knowledge, see the 20 Slang Terms From the 1990s No One Uses Anymore.
A child, who apparently in olden times had a bad tendency to bite the ankles of adults. Either that or grown-ups were confusing them with dogs.
This is another vintage slang word that fills us with so much joy. When you’re “frosted,” you’re seriously peeved. But come on, imagine actually saying that to somebody. “I am so mad at you right now, I’m downright frosted!” All it takes is one ridiculous word for all the negative energy to leave the room.
A singer who isn’t doing an especially good job at hitting all the notes. If you’ve attended a party where karaoke was performed, you’ve witnessed one or two horrifying examples of a whooperup in action.
When you’re looking for a man who can be conned into paying for your liquor. How exactly this is accomplished, well, only the juggins-hunter knows for sure.
An allusion to malmsey wine, which, when consumed with a bit too much enthusiasm and frequency, can lead to a red and unsightly nose. Say this to somebody in 2018 and they’ll be like, “Wait, what is that? Malm- something wine? What are you saying exactly?”
An overly talkative woman. Yeah, ’cause if you’re going to be wildly sexist, you might as well do it using slang that references 19th-century churches.
A bald head, which could hypothetically be frozen and used as a skating rink for flies. It’s such a weirdly over-complicated insult, we’re not sure whether to be offended or impressed.
1950s slang for someone who can’t keep a secret. This makes us wonder less about gossip during the mid-20th century than about exactly what was going on with their sewers. Were there sanitation systems… not able to keep… secrets? Never mind, never mind, we don’t want to know.
According to the 1967 Dictionary of American Slang, a pretzel-bender could be a peculiar person, or someone who plays the French horn, a wrestler, or even an alcoholic. We’re not sure either what any of those things have to do with pretzels.
Your mouth. As in, the place you put sauces. We guess so anyway, though we’re still not sure why a mouth could be considered a box. Wouldn’t that be like calling your ears “Symphony trash cans”?
When you’re pang-wangling, you’re managing to find the bright side of life even when it gets difficult. When the world hands you lemons, you make lemonade. By pang-wangling it. We think anyway. Isn’t that how you make lemonade, by wangling some pangs?
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