A Royal Family Guide to Dressing Your Child

Bonus points if you opt for 1940s-era style.

A Royal Family Guide to Dressing Your Child

Bonus points if you opt for 1940s-era style.

Today, millions of kids across America embarked on their very first day of school. Judging by the photos taken by their proud parents and posted on social media, most of these teeny tots wore jeans and sweaters for the day that marks their ascent to education.

But not Prince George, who attended his first day of school today at Thomas’s Battersea in London, dressed, as usual, like a polo player in a biopic set in World War II. As the Duchess of Cambridge was home sick, he was accompanied by his father in what I increasingly suspect is the only outfit he actually owns.

Now, granted, since Thomas’s Battersea is a private school, George was wearing the school uniform. According to their website, the $446 preppy ensemble consisting of a V-neck navy jersey bearing the school’s logo in bright red, a light blue collared shirt, navy bermudas, long navy regulation socks, and black “polishable” shoes.

The girl’s uniform is significantly less stylish, consisting of what appears to be a navy burlap sack stuffed over a madness-inducing orange sweater and matching tights, but we’ll worry about that when it’s Princess Charlotte’s time.

Luckily enough, the uniform looks quite a lot like what he always wears, since the Royal Family seem to always dress their kids as though they’ve just casually stepped out of the 1940s.

Here, for example, is how the Princess Martha Louise of Norway dresses her daughter, Leah Isadora. Pretty chill, right? Couldn’t really tell the difference between her and any other tween lining up to get her ears pierced at Claire’s on a Saturday afternoon.

Photo by Nigel Waldron/Getty Images

And here’s the annual summer photocall of the Dutch Royal Family. Why, they could be your neighbors who just moved in from Pasadena! They’ve even got a black lab, which is the international sign for being relatable.

Photo by Michel Porro/Getty Images

Then there’s this holiday photo of the British Royal Family. Prince William is dressed like a standard WASP. Kate Middleton, from what I can tell, may even be wearing jeans. It’s just the kids, and, in particular, George, that looks as though he’s in a Hallmark channel adaptation of an E.M. Forster novel.

A bit part of it is the omnipresence of the high-waisted bermudas, but I really think it comes down to the shoes. Look at this photo from their visit to Germany on July 21st and tell me Princess Charlotte’s shoes weren’t taken from a porcelain doll in a Victorian novelty shop.

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Photo by Chris Jackson/Getty Images

Most of the time, though, it’s really the socks that do it. Here’s a photo of Prince George on a visit to Canada last October, wearing an outfit almost identical to the one he sported today. Why are the socks so high?

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Even when it’s freezing out he has to wear the knee-high socks. We came up with a solution for this a few decades ago. It’s called pants.

Photo by Andrew Milligan – Pool/Getty Images

Photo by Chris Jackson/Getty Images

Look at his holiday photo from 2014 and tell me this is not Al Capone.

Photo by The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge/PA Wire via Getty Images

Now, much as I am bemused, I am by no means throwing any shade whatsoever to His Royal Highness, because those cherub cheeks are rocking the baby Winston Churchill look. Not only is Prince George adorable, he is also the King of Sass, and he could dress up like a Victorian lamplighter and still look amazing.

Here he is, practicing his catwalk.

Photo by Chris Jackson/Getty Images

Here he is, being effortlessly fabulous as always.

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Photo by Chris Jackson/Getty Images

And here he is again, today, wondering what you’re doing here.

Photo by Richard Pohle—WPA Pool/Getty Images

So, if you, too, want to dress your child like a member of the British royal family, it’s pretty easy! For girls: get a floral dress with a sailor collar like the ones beloved by elderly ladies serving afternoon tea, and pair it with white socks and some shoes stolen from a porcelain doll. For boys: simply buy an array of collared shirts, jerseys, and high-waisted bermudas in a variety of colors (by which I mean various shades of blue, let’s not get too crazy). Most importantly, remember to roll the socks all the way up to the knees, no matter what the weather, or how cold it is outside.

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