5 Scary Signs Your Partner Is Lying to You, Therapists Say
Watching out for these signs can help you uncover the truth about their honesty.
While we're all guilty of telling little white lies from time to time, no one wants to find out that their significant other has been hiding a major secret from them. But if you've found yourself growing suspicious about your partner's honesty, it might be hard to tell if you're just being paranoid or if your worries are actually warranted. To help you uncover the truth, we talked to therapists to get insight into some of the most common red flags. Read on to find out five scary signs that mean your partner is likely lying to you.
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You notice sudden changes in their behavior or attitude.
You probably know your partner better than anyone, so if you notice a major shift in how they act, that should raise a red flag.
"Sudden changes in behavior or attitude can be a sign that your partner is trying to hide something or is feeling guilty about something," Kerry Lauders, a mental health officer at Startups Anonymous, tells Best Life.
When caught up in a lie, people tend to become hyper-vigilant of their surroundings and act suspicious as a result, David Tzall, PsyD, a licensed psychologist based in New York City, adds. "Lying can cause a person to switch up their routine and take new ways to work, or start being more affectionate, or leave at times when they used to stay home," he explains.
They're hiding their phone.
A common way people change their behavior when lying is by increasing their phone privacy and even "hiding their phone from you," says Andrea Brognano, LMHC, a licensed clinician and founder of Therapy Connection.
As Joyce Marter, LCPC, a licensed psychotherapist and the founder of Urban Balance, explains further, there will be a "clear shift" in your partner's need for this kind of privacy when they are no longer being truthful. "Suddenly your partner has a password on their phone, is locking their file cabinet, needs to leave the room to answer a phone call, or has their screen facing away from you when on a device," Marter says.
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Their story just isn't adding up.
If you start to feel like your partner isn't telling you the full story about something, you're probably right, according to Marter. "When explanations just don't seem to add up or make sense, this is an indication that you may be being lied to by means of what is left unsaid," she says.
This is because your partner may end up having a hard time keeping their story straight when lying, Tzall explains. "They may tell you one thing one day and something completely different the next. They may also contradict themselves in subtle ways," he says. "This inconsistency is a red flag that they may be lying to you."
They're avoiding direct eye contact with you.
They say the eyes are the window to the soul, and if your significant other is keeping things from you, they won't want to show you theirs, so they'll start avoiding direct eye contact.
"This can indicate that they are uncomfortable and trying to avoid being caught in a lie," Lauders explains. They may also fail to meet your eyes because "they are feeling ashamed or guilty of their behavior," Tzall adds.
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They go out of their way to say they're not lying.
Sometimes, the clearest sign of a lie involves them directly lying about their honesty. If your partner starts their sentences with statements like, "I'm not going to lie," or "to be honest," that may be a major indicator that they're actually doing the opposite, according to Jennifer Kelman, LCSW, a mental health expert and licensed psychotherapist on JustAnswer.
"If you are an honest person, then you don't need to begin each sentence announcing that you are being honest or that you are not going to lie," Kelman explains.