Crushing on someone is exhilarating. That is, if the feeling is mutual. If not, things can get really confusing really fast. How many times have we had to listen to a friend go on and on about the guy or gal they like, trying to figure out if that person likes them back? Newsflash: if you have to question it, odds are, they're probably just not that into you. Or worse, they may just be stringing you along, with no plan to turn a situationship into a relationship. Hey, it's better to know than to waste your time, right? If you're looking for some concrete signs your crush just isn't into you, read on. Just remember: there are plenty of fish in the sea. If this crush isn't into you, it's on to the next! And if you're still confused about whether someone likes you or not, just ask. Sometimes, it's best to hear it from the horse's mouth.
Does my crush like me? Signs they're probably not interested:
1. There's inconsistent, limited, or no communication.
"If your person isn't talking to you or is barely talking to you, they're probably not your person," says relationship expert and author Rachel Wagner. This includes late-night calls only, never calling you back, and just taking forever to reply. If they appear flaky or not invested, they probably are. Same goes if the person ghosts you, even if it's only temporary. If someone really likes you, they are excited to share with you about their day, their life, and when they're seeing you next. There's no fun in trying to track down your crush, so if it seems like this is constantly the case, they may not be interested in you.
2. They're unavailable, emotionally or otherwise.
This is a sign that your crush isn't interested that's commonly seen in the dating app world. If, when you do talk, all the person wants to do is talk and they aren't trying to actually get together, that means they don't want to. "Some people are just looking for penpals," says Wagner. The bottom line is if people want to spend time with you, they will. When someone is excited and interested in pursuing something romantic, they will go out of their way to do it. "If they're avoiding it, they aren't interested because everyone makes time for what they want," she says.
3. They constantly seem distracted.
The person who really likes you will show you his or her full attention, without letting distractions get in the way, explains Kevon Owen, a clinical psychotherapist and relationship counselor. Whether that be work, friends, or even constantly being on their phone, someone who is constantly distracted isn't making it a priority to be present with you.
4. They take no accountability.
"If you can't talk to this person about your feelings without them calling you insecure or if you ask them for something and they don't do it, they don't care enough," explains Wagner. "This person isn't taking you seriously." And if they don't think about you or want to make you happy, then the writing may be on the wall: They probably don't want you.
5. They don't laugh at your jokes.
Someone who really likes you for you, including your quirky sense of humor, will make an effort to show it. "If your crush doesn't laugh at your jokes, regardless of how funny they are, that's a telltale sign they're not into you," says relationship expert and life coach Stacy Caprio. "When someone is into you, they'll be smiling just being around you, and if you try to be funny, they'll appreciate it and it'll be easy for them to laugh. If they don't really care about you, they won't bother to smile or laugh."
6. They're inconsiderate.
Whether it's being difficult about seeing you on their own time or not taking into account your likes, dislikes, and feelings, someone who doesn't take the time to factor your needs into a relationship is someone who is clearly not interested, says Wagner. Late-night booty calls are not attempts to hang out and only eating where they want to is not romantic. Someone who likes you will go out of their way to be both mindful and considerate of you—in all aspects of life.
7. They subconsciously put up barriers between you.
"People who like each remove any obstacles between them," says Dr. Jack Schafer in a post for Psychology Today. However, people who don't like the person as much are unbothered by barriers, often subconsciously placing them between themselves and the person they don't like. This can be things like purses, newspapers, magazines, cups, cushions, and similar items. "A barrier does not necessarily mean that the person doesn't like you, but it does let you know that rapport has not yet been established," says Schafer. Be mindful of these subtle hints that your crush doesn't quite feel the same way.
8. They're never physical.
Whether he accidentally touches your hand, or can't stop hitting your foot underneath the table, if a guy shows you signs of contact, it shows he wants to be close to you physically, relationship expert and psychotherapist, Melissa Divaris Thompson, LMFT told Cosmopolitan. If those signs are absent from your interactions, your partner is likely not interested in you romantically.
9. They don't talk about the future—even the immediate one.
"It's either they sound hesitant or dodge the topic completely when making critical plans for the future. This red flag is also applicable to smaller plans you could be making. They will seem unexcited with the idea of having trips with your family or going on a vacation together," Celia Schweyer, a dating and relationship expert at DatingScout.com told Best Life. If they're skittish about committing even for the weekend, they're just not invested enough to prioritize you.
10. It's not obvious.
If you constantly wonder, "Does my crush like me?" it could be one of the biggest signs they don't. One 2018 study conducted by the University of Dayton found that those subtle, indirect behaviors like eye contact, smiling, and mimicry actually are less indicative of attraction than direct behaviors like physical proximity and talking to someone. Needless to say, if someone really likes and is attracted to you, it should be fairly obvious. That's good news. You don't need to obsess over what subtleties may have deeper meaning. It's not always as complicated as we sometimes make it out to be!
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