While there's no way to predict the future, it's important to feel confident that your marriage won't end in divorce. The divorce rate in the U.S. has been trending downward over the last two decades, according to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), but it's still relatively common for a marriage not to last. In 2020, there were a total of 630,505 divorces, equating to over 12,000 per week. These statistics may seem troubling, but according to a divorce lawyer, there's one question you can ask your future spouse to get a better sense of how your marriage will end up. Read on to find out what question he suggests popping before a proposal.
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Some couples choose to add an extra layer of security.
fizkes / ShutterstockIf you've ever heard of a prenuptial agreement, often referred to as a "prenup," you're probably familiar with what they entail. Prenups act as a roadmap for alimony and how property will be divided in a divorce—before you're married.
As such, they can be somewhat taboo, and you might feel hesitant about getting married if you feel like your partner is already planning for a divorce. In reality, these agreements can help individual partners protect the assets they had before marriage, or certain inheritances for children from another marriage or relationship, according to DivorceNet.
Sometimes relationships also just end poorly, and negotiations, lawyers, and emotions can further complicate the matter. With a prenup, ground rules are established ahead of time in the event a marriage turns sour. While there are both pros and cons, one divorce lawyer has taken to social media to share his thoughts on how to approach these agreements.
This is "the ultimate test" for your relationship.
JLco Julia Amaral / ShutterstockYou might not think to seek out relationship guidance on TikTok, but you'll actually find more and more professionals flooding these sites, including relationship experts, marriage counselors, and even divorce lawyers.
One such lawyer, Justin Lee, also known as BREAKUP LAWYER JUSTIN and @jleejd, says that a prenup is not just something to consider—it's a necessity.
In a TikTok posted on Aug. 25, Lee—who has over 250,000 followers—describes what he calls "the ultimate test" for your relationship. Lee's video is in response to a separate TikTok stating that if your partner asks how your day is, "you're in," meaning that your partner is committed to you and the relationship.
"We've all seen the videos of people saying that's just the bare minimum," Lee says of inquiring about your significant other's day. "The problem is nobody is then offering a solution—how high then must the bar be?"
Lee suggests that your parter's response to one simple question about a prenup will effectively determine where your relationship stands.
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If they respond a certain way, it's not a good sign.
Irma eyewink/ShutterstockLee offers advice on how to determine whether or not "you're actually in," saying that it depends on whether or not they'd agree to a prenup.
"You're going to tell him that you follow this divorce lawyer on TikTok and Instagram, and that he says that everyone should get a prenup, and so you want to get a prenup," Lee explains. "If he says OK, you're in. If he says no, you're just knocking at the door asking him to let you in."
In short, Lee indicates that your partner is not fully invested in the relationship if they won't agree to a prenup, meaning that your marriage is unlikely to reflect the necessary level of commitment. "This is the highest you can push the bar before you start pushing them away instead," he wrote in a comment on his video.
Lee further explains why you should get a prenup in separate videos.
New Africa / ShutterstockIn a separate TikTok posted a few days prior, Lee notes that prenups are a necessity for everyone, not just those who have a large number of assets to protect.
"There's this misconception that prenups are for rich people because it's meant to protect assets, and only rich people have assets," he says. "But protecting your assets is only a secondary function of a prenup. The primary function of a prenup is to allow you to determine what happens in the event of a divorce."
Lee stresses that this is why all marriages require these agreements, as it allow you to have more say in what happens during the aftermath. "In fact, if you don't decide what happens if you get a divorce, you'll just have to follow the rules that the government has set up for you," he notes.
If you are seriously looking into a prenup, Lee suggests you consult a professional. "You're already spending tens of thousands of dollars on your wedding—you can afford to spend a couple hundred bucks on a lawyer," he says.
