5 Ways to Keep the Passion Alive in Your Relationship After 50, According to Experts
There are easy things you can do to reignite the spark.
After the age of 50, you likely look back on the earlier stages of your relationship with fondness: you went on weekly date nights, dressed up to run the tiniest errands, and maybe even had sex daily. It might seem like those days are behind you—but it doesn't have to be that way. Now that you're in your sixth decade, there are new and exciting things to look forward to—sometimes, even ones that you wouldn't have been able to access when you were younger. Ahead, relationship experts tell us the easiest ways to keep the passion alive in your relationship after the age of 50. Keep reading for a more sizzling romance.
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Increase your intimacy.
Or, as Jordyn Mastrodomenico, LCADC, LAC, CTP, clinical director at Choice Point, put it: become the couple the kids would be embarrassed around. "Keep touching your partner throughout the day and even flirt a little," Mastrodomenico says. "Intimacy can be a number of things: if your partner wants you in the kitchen with them, go help them out; if they want to drink coffee with you—sure, why not; if they want to walk around in the park silently—that's even better."
By becoming more intimate via hand-holding, quality time, and other flirtatious behaviors, you'll build your bond and remain as passionate as ever in the bedroom and beyond.
Inject "healthy instability" into your relationship.
No, this doesn't mean picking fights for no reason. Instead, incorporate some unexpected behaviors into your routine. "If your behavior is predictable, and your partner always knows what to expect, it can be difficult to maintain the sizzle," says Mari Vasan, a board-certified hypnotherapist who works exclusively with midlife women. "If you're typically dressed in sweats at the end of the day, consider greeting your partner in your sexiest outfit and show him or her what you have in store for the two of you—for example, a warm bath, a massage, a sensuous dinner, or something out of the box." Or, if you typically come home from work and read, call your partner early in the day to say you've made plans for the evening and they should be ready when you get home, Vasan advises.
Don't forget to tell your partner why you're doing these things. "Maybe it's because you love them, or because they deserve it, or because you see all that they do and you want to show appreciation," Vasan says. "Genuine statements like this will add depth and intimacy."
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Use nostalgia strategically.
In some cases, reliving your youth can be a good thing. "Going to listen to a band that you both liked when you were younger, or doing things that remind you of earlier, happy, passionate days will light up those neural networks associated with youth and passion," Vasan says. "Even just playing certain music at home can achieve the same result. You will then be able to associate with a more energetic, passionate you." Give it a go, even if it feels cheesy at first.
Embrace spontaneity in the bedroom.
After so many years together, it's easy for things to get stale in the bedroom. And while it might seem obvious, a simple way to switch things up is to, well, switch things up.
"Take time to have sex at different locations and times and incorporate toys, role play, and other kinks that are safe and exciting at the same time," says Joseph Puglisi, a relationship expert and the CEO of Dating Iconic. "You don't have to do something you're not so comfortable with, but you're not to let routine ruin your passion or make it boring and old. This is a time to rejuvenate your passion and your relationship, revisit the things that made you fall in love with each other, and also create newer fun memories." Do this often enough, and it'll become your new—and much more exciting—routine.
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Maintain a healthy emotional state.
Obviously, a lot of the work involved in keeping the passion alive in a relationship after 50 has to do with the two of you as a couple. But all of that work is wasted if one or both of you feels down as an individual.
"Any relationship is a function of the quality of the emotional states that each partner brings to the relationship," says Vasan. "If you show up every evening drained and frustrated, there's little chance of you inspiring or generating passion." You'll want to maintain a healthy emotional state—even if that requires calling in a professional for help.
Doing this can also help you avoid a common relationship pitiful. "I see too many women and men who feel their partner doesn't fulfill them," Vasan says. "It's your job to find fulfillment; your partner's job is only to top it off." Once you find things you're passionate about, and the two of you show up to the relationship with energy and excitement, you'll be much more likely to find passion in your everyday lives.