What a Woman Really Means When She Asks for a Quick Coffee Date

Opting to grab a coffee over tossing back drinks on a first date doesn't mean she's not into you.

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Choosing a spot for a first date can be tricky. You want to strike the perfect balance between demonstrating that you're interested in getting to know someone better while not being presumptuous by having a full evening of events scheduled. While the most classic date night by far is dinner and drinks, this kind of evening can be a lengthy commitment for a set of strangers. That's why women often toss out the idea of a coffee date—it's brief should things not pan out, but it allows for an extension of the date if both parties end up enjoying themselves. Before you read on, here's another tip to keep in your back pocket: The No. 1 First Date Dealbreaker, According to Research.

Grabbing a coffee to chat over may seem a bit too chummy and casual for a first date, but that is part of the beauty of it: It's a low-risk date that takes some of the pressure off. "It completely flips people's perceptions of a first date. So we don't have a mental framework that creates expectations and nerves. A new context means you can redefine what a date is compared to previous expectations," says relationship trainer Rob McPhillips. "Also, there's little pressure of it leading to anything sexual if you're not ready."

Women on a coffee date
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Coffee dates are especially popular among women who have children or are dating after divorce. A 2019 study found that many divorced women—30 percent, to be exact—opt for a quick coffee date, with 80 percent of women with children saying it's because "they are interested in quick, efficient ways to meet, greet, assess, and exit, something easily accomplished over a cup of coffee."

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"First dates post-divorce can be quite difficult, and therefore easing the burden with a non-threatening experience can be imperative," says author and clinical psychologist Tricia Wolanin, PsyD. "A classic coffee date is always recommended, as it's short, sweet, but could be extended if it looks promising." To see when most women begin dating after a legal split, check out This Is When You'll Be Ready to Date Post-Divorce, Research Shows.

Allie Hogan
Allie Hogan is a Brooklyn based writer currently working on her first novel. Read more
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