In any relationship, there are bound to be some hiccups. However, certain transgressions can definitely make or break your bond—especially if a partner is unfaithful. But what about situations where they're not acting on their feelings about another person? According to therapists, there are a few signs to look out for that your partner may be fantasizing about someone else. But, contrary to what you may believe, it's not always a dealbreaker.
"It’s human nature to fantasize, yet our imaginations can take us into territory that works for or against our relationships," clinical psychologistCarla Marie Manly, PhD, author of The Joy of Imperfect Love, tells Best Life. "Some couples openly agree that fantasizing about other people—whether during sexual intimacy or outside of it—is appropriate and even beneficial. Yet many individuals see fantasizing about other people as a negative habit and even a form of emotional infidelity."
She continues, "If a partner is fantasizing about someone else, there may be a diminished sense of emotional or sexual connection. If fantasizing about another person feels like a hurtful or otherwise destructive experience in a relationship, it’s important for partners to get to the root of the issue."
With this in mind, you might want to keep an eye out for some signs your partner is thinking outside of the relationship—especially if, as Manly says, it's something that "impedes emotional connection in a romantic partnership." Read on for five signs that your partner may be fantasizing about someone else.
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1. They are always comparing you to someone else.
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According to Beth Ribarsky, PhD, professor and director of the School of Communication at the University of Illinois Springfield, if you feel like your partner is always comparing you to someone else, it might be a red flag.
"Rather than focusing on the great things you bring to the table, they might bring up how another person might have better characteristics than you," she explains. "For example, they might mention how much more adventurous (insert person here) is than you. This is a red flag that they are not appreciating you for being YOU and all the great things that you bring to the table and the relationship."
2. Your sex life changes.
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A healthy sex life is dynamic, and it will likely evolve as you and your relationship goes on. But if you start to feel a disconnect in the bedroom, your partner might be thinking of someone else.
"If your partner seems increasingly (or newly) disconnected from you in the realm of sexuality, fantasizing may be one of the culprits," Manly warns.
Additionally, if you notice that your partner closes their eyes when you're intimate and "seems to be elsewhere," they might be fantasizing, she adds.
RELATED: 7 Body Language Signs That Mean Your Partner Is Cheating, According to Therapists.
3. They become more secretive with their devices.
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If your partner starts hiding their phone or laptop from you, it often spells trouble—and it can also be a sign that their thoughts are drifting.
"If your partner suddenly becomes protective of their phone or computer, they could be hiding something," Amy Williams, CEO and founder of Peachy, said in a press release provided to Best Life.
4. They become physically or emotionally distant.
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Williams also highlights distance as a potential warning sign.
"A partner who seems less affectionate or physically present may be withdrawing emotionally, possibly due to fantasies about someone else," she said in the release.
But it's not exclusive to physical intimacy, they might also withdraw emotionally.
"A decrease in meaningful conversations or an uptick in evasive responses may indicate that emotional connection is shifting," Williams added.
5. They have a history of viewing pornographic images or videos.
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Explicit content can have both positive and negative effects on a relationship, but Manly points out that fantasizing may be "a hardwired habit" if your partner has a history of using porn.
In addition, if you notice that they are "especially captivated by highly sexualized images," whether that's onscreen or in real life, they "may be fantasizing behind the scenes."
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What should I do if I think my partner is fantasizing about someone else?
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According to Ribarsky, fantasizing is "completely normal" and can actually help bolster your relationship if it helps you and your partner "get in the mood" or expands your sexual horizons via role-playing or other forms of experimentation.
The important factor, experts say, is what they're fantasizing about and why.
"Are they doing something new or different that you wish your partner would do for you or with you? A little self-reflection could be a good way to talk to your partner about some desires you might want to explore," Ribarsky suggests.
That look inward can also help highlight what's motivating fantasies in general.
"A woman might fantasize because she’s not attracted to her partner, yet another woman might fantasize because it makes her feel less inhibited and more connected to her partner," Manly notes. "As another example, a man might fantasize about a former partner’s lovemaking because he finds his current partner prudish or shut down. No matter the root cause, it’s important for partners to talk openly and work together to achieve greater connection."
Ribarsky says jealousy is normal, too, as you may want to be your partner's sole object of desire.
"You have to be confident enough in yourself, your partner, and your relationship to know their thoughts might wander, but ultimately, you are the one they want," she advises.
What should I do if I start fantasizing about someone else?
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A relationship is a two-way street, and either you or your partner might feel your thoughts wander. If you notice that you're the one fantasizing, Ribarsky says you don't need to feel guilty—but it's good to seek help if you need it.
"It is a completely normal thing to do. You shouldn’t feel guilty about thoughts," she says. "However, if you’re feeling troubled by these fantasies, seeking out professional counseling is a great option to start to understand more about why you might be having these thoughts and how to redirect them into something positive for your relationship."
