60 Hilarious White Lies Everyone in a Relationship Tells
When you're spending this much time with your spouse, you might have to fib a little.
We all have little white lies we tell on a daily basis—whether to friends, coworkers, or family members. But it's the relationship white lies that might be the most important, especially during a time when many of us are hunkering down with our significant others and social distancing from everyone else. It's more important than ever to keep our romantic partnerships on the steadiest footing possible, and let's face it, sometimes that requires bending the truth a little.
Whether you've been together for five weeks or fifty years, every smart partner knows that brutal honesty does not a happy relationship make. In fact, according to a 2014 study published in the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society B, those white lies can actually be beneficial to relationships, helping those who engage in them to avoid bigger fights along the way. So, from laying it on a bit thick when praising your significant other's cooking skills to trying to keep a tense family dynamic under control, these are the hilarious fibs every person tells at some point during a relationship. And for more lies you might have told lately, here are 11 Lies Everyone Tells in Quarantine.
"I didn't touch the thermostat."
You like it a balmy 80 degrees in the house. Your spouse likes it a frigid 65. And in lieu of a true compromise, you just sneak the thermostat up a few degrees when they aren't looking, pretending like you don't know how it happened.
"No, your snoring doesn't bother me."
There are plenty of cute things about your significant other, from their smile to the way they scrunch up their nose when they're concentrating on something. Their snoring, on the other hand, sounds like a chainsaw cutting through a redwood—but it's probably in your best interest to keep that opinion to yourself. And for more lies you have permission to keep telling, find out which 23 Things It's OK to Tell Healthy Little White Lies About, According to Experts.
"I have no idea where the cookies went."
Sometimes you just get a jones for Oreos and don't really feel like having an argument about it.
"I would never watch that without you."
So technically you know what happened on the last episode of your favorite show, and, in a strict sense, you may have binged it without your significant other—but in your defense, the episodes just kept auto-playing and the remote was so far away. In your heart, at least, you're maintaining complete television fidelity to your one and only. And for more lies that are harder to get away with these days, here are 11 Lies You Used to Say That Don't Work in Quarantine.
"I love your mom's cooking."
Your mother-in-law's "famous" salad with mayonnaise in it? Her combination of canned fruit and Jell-O that she calls dessert? You may barely be able to stomach them, but odds are that you find yourself telling your spouse otherwise just to avoid an argument—especially if your MIL has been thoughtful enough to drop these dishes off on your doorstep while social distancing. And for some lies you definitely heard from your parents, check out these 50 Lies Parents Say That Kids Always Fall For.
"That ring is exactly what I would have picked."
You have champagne tastes and your significant other has a decidedly beer budget. That said, even if you always dreamed of an engagement ring so big it would give you shoulder pain, the sentimental value of the beautiful (albeit smaller) one you got from your significant other makes that bauble about as special as they come.
"I didn't even notice the trash was overflowing."
It's really hard to muster the resolve to bring that overfilled bag of trash—potentially oozing putrid liquid from its seams—out to the garbage can, especially in inclement weather. So, from time to time, you conveniently "forget" you saw it in the first place.
"Don't worry, it was on sale."
Fine, so maybe the original price was akin to your monthly rent, but you're not technically lying about this one.
"You're way better looking than they are."
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And that TV star is married, anyway. And for more lies we're all familiar with, check out these 30 Social Media Lies Everyone Tells on Facebook and Instagram.
"That outfit is awesome."
Maybe those pleather leggings or that shirt with the mesh panel aren't your style, per se, but your significant other definitely deserves some credit for trying something new, at the very least.
"My relationship with him/her wasn't serious."
To be fair, your significant other probably doesn't want to hear about the number of times you listened to "Un-Break My Heart" after your ex picked up all of their stuff from your apartment.
"This dinner turned out great."
Was that chicken supposed to be blackened? Maybe not, but if it's at least edible, you're going to act like it came from The French Laundry. Your spouse tried, and that's what matters.
"No, I'm not cold—you take the blanket."
Your toes might be practically blue, but you're not about to steal the covers from your perpetually cold spouse.
"I would love to order some new furniture."
Why wouldn't you want to browse the IKEA website, a place where furniture dreams are made and relationships are broken?
"Of course I can put this together."
And after that virtual trip to the Swedish furniture mecca, you will, of course, claim to have everything under control when putting together the 700-piece bedroom set.
"I definitely want to hear about your sister's relationship drama."
You can't possibly think of anything more interesting, in fact!
"My friends and I never talk about you."
Even if your relationship is rock solid, there's bound to be something about your spouse that you bring up around your friends. However, everyone's better off maintaining the illusion that that's not the case.
"This shirt is exactly what I would have picked myself."
The only reason you're not wearing it on the regular is because you're saving it for a special occasion, obviously.
"I'm just thinking about you."
Usually uttered in response to the dreaded "What are you thinking about?" question, clever spouses know this little fib is a safer bet than, say, admitting you're pondering the ending of Game of Thrones.
"I think you should get the steak."
Your delivery budget may say, "Get the pasta," but for the sake of your relationship, your mouth is uttering otherwise.
"I have no idea what my ex is up to."
Obviously you haven't checked their Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and/or Venmo in the past year.
"I'm totally on board with your diet."
It's just that supporting local businesses sometimes means getting nachos delivered, and anyway, it would be rude not to partake.
"Of course my mom loves you."
There's really no good reason to add "but she loved my ex more" to that sentence.
"Sorry, I didn't see your text."
Your phone might be a practical appendage at this point, but sometimes you just need to experience the same freedom you had before Steve Jobs made you and that devil brick so inseparable. This is obviously a harder lie to maintain when you're in quarantine together, but we have faith in you.
"I'm always happy to work around your dietary restrictions."
No meat? No dairy? No gluten? Can't eat anything that didn't fall from a tree? You're going to have to deal with it one way or another, so you might as well seem enthusiastic about it.
"You definitely can't tell that photo has a filter on it."
"Your skin always looks like it was airbrushed to the point of featurelessness, my dear."
"I don't care if we get each other anniversary presents."
Of course, you wouldn't be disappointed if a gift-wrapped box with your name on it happened to end up on the kitchen table, but you're not about to ask your significant other to decimate their bank account over it.
"Your diet is definitely working."
Yep, that pound you lost really makes a huge difference!
"It's great having the dogs in the bed."
If you wanted a blanket made of fur, you would have just bought a fur blanket—but it's fine. Everything's fine.
"I don't find any of your friends attractive."
That friend of yours who posed for that firefighter calendar? You know, the one with the eight-pack? He isn't even that cute, honestly.
"I'd love to try that cleanse with you."
What could be better than a glass of green juice every morning? Certainly not pancakes and coffee!
"I think that jersey goes with everything."
Your spouse loves their hometown team—and you, as someone who doesn't want to get a divorce, tolerate all the paraphernalia that they wear to prove it.
"I will definitely have the kids to bed by 7."
…or 10:30. Those Harry Potter marathons are hard to resist.
"I never drink out of the carton."
You'd never dream of being so uncivilized… when your significant other is around, at least.
"Sweatpants are totally fine all-day attire."
You'll just keep leading by example with your own outfits and hope they take the hint.
"Fantasy football is awesome."
The only thing better than actually participating in it? Hearing about it ad nauseam, of course.
"Cuddling is my favorite!"
You definitely didn't want to go to sleep or watch a movie or do literally anything else in bed.
"I just had an inkling you'd like that gift."
There was definitely no gift guide on the internet that led me to it.
"You're right, this bed does need another throw pillow."
The more, the merrier! Who needs space to sleep, anyway?
"I've had this outfit forever."
If you're not in a financial position to do so, discussing the ins and outs of who bought what and for how much is only going to add unnecessary drama to your life.
"Nothing you could do would gross me out."
Biting your nails or chewing with your mouth open? Nah, babe, it's cute.
"You never come up in therapy."
Why would your spouse's habit of sharing all of your problems with their mother ever come up as a topic of conversation with your therapist?
"Your online yoga class is important to me, too."
Hatha, vinyasa, hot, outdoors—you're always in the mood for a weekly asana update.
"I don't mind carrying that in my purse for you."
Of course, your spouse could always just bring their own bag—but until that day comes, yours will just have to do.
"I think it's your turn to take the dog out."
It's just so hard to remember who gave him the last walk, especially when you're tired or it's raining!
"You nailed that song at Zoom karaoke."
The whole point of karaoke is to have fun, not to master a perfect Adele impression anyway, right?
"Your best friend is always welcome here!"
They make your significant other happy, so you're going to do your best to ignore the fact that they keep their shoes on in the house, eat all of the food in your fridge, drink most of the wine they bring, and struggle to keep the appropriate six feet of distance.
"I'm super excited about your family reunion."
Making small talk with your brothers, aunts, cousins, and great-grandmother while they navigate video chat technology? Yes, it'll be a delight.
"That bachelor/bachelorette party was totally tame."
What your spouse doesn't know won't hurt them—and anyway, you hardly partook in the more rambunctious activities of the night. Why are they even asking about this now? January feels like a lifetime ago.
"I don't mind waiting to shower while you get ready."
At least your significant other's 80-step grooming routine gives you enough time to start and finish a book before going on your daily stroll.
"I'd love to take a selfie."
The one thing your relationship needs more of? Documentation on Facebook or Instagram.
"Of course I noticed your haircut."
It's quite possible that your spouse gives themselves a haircut so similar to the one they had before that you wouldn't be able to tell the difference even if you examined their head under a microscope. That said, whenever they ask if you noticed their new style, you know it's time to tell them how dramatically different it makes them look.
"They weren't flirting, they were just being nice."
What? Your friend definitely wasn't flirting via text. You know for a fact they send all their other friends kissy face emojis, too.
"Of course I know how to fix that."
That's what YouTube tutorials are for, right?
"I'm not intimidated by your ex."
The former swimsuit model who just got his doctorate and spends half the year volunteering? No, you never even think about him.
"I'm pretty low maintenance."
If by "low maintenance" you mean, "I get up before you to make sure my breath is fresh, my hair is groomed, and I don't look like I slept outdoors."
"I can't wait for your friend's virtual birthday party."
Who wouldn't want the privilege of taking turns saying hello to a bunch of relative strangers?
"I'm just as disappointed about the Bachelor finale as you are."
Until you googled it, you thought a "rose ceremony" was something you paid extra for at prom. But if it keeps them happy, you're game.
"I don't ever use your grooming products."
Why would you want to smell like mangoes and honey instead of something called "Glacier Rage"?
"Of course I'm listening."
For the most part you are, so this isn't a total lie, at least.