Even the most honest parents have a habit of fibbing to their kids from time to time. We tell them that Santa Claus is real; we tell them that their eyes will get stuck if they keep rolling them at us; and some of us even tell them that the ice cream truck only plays its song when it’s empty. However, there’s a pretty major difference between an innocuous lie and one that can indelibly harm your kids—and it's important to know the difference.
“Lying to children begets more lying to maintain the original lie,” says licensed therapist Rose Skeeters, LPC, PN2, NCC, an early childhood trauma specialist with Thrive: Mind/Body in Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania. “Children will eventually discover the truth along with the deception that comes with creating an elaborate web of lies. This will cause a breakdown in attachment and communication as well as distrust.” So, before you ruin your relationship with your child, read on to discover the things you should never lie to your kids about.
1 | Leaving them somewhere
Think twice before telling your kids that they’ll be left behind if they don’t follow your rules. “Firstly, that can be really scary to a child," says therapist Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C, director of the Baltimore Therapy Center. "Causing someone to fear abandonment, literally, is harmful to their emotional wellbeing. Secondly, you almost certainly don't mean it, and leveling empty threats at your children weakens your authority with them rather than strengthening it.”
2 | Past mistakes you’ve made
Everyone messes up from time to time—parents included. And if your past is full of missteps your kids could potentially learn from, it’s better to fess up now and control the narrative.
“You can't be perfect, and teaching your children that they can and should be is a one-way ticket to disaster!” says Carla Buck, MA, LMCHA, mental health therapist at Warrior Brain, based in Dubai. “Role modeling mistake-making and then repairing the mistake for your child is going to teach them so much more than pretending you had it all figured out to begin with.”
3 | When you’re wrong
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