5 Body Language Signs That Someone Isn't Into You, Therapists Say
"They're just not that into you" takes on a new meaning with this expert advice.
There are so many details to pay attention to on a first date. Everything from the level of effort the other person displays to the things the two of you have in common can tell you a ton about your compatibility. That, combined with wanting to put your best foot forward, can take up the majority of your mental energy. However, you'll also want to take note of your date's body language. It turns out, the way they position their legs, arms, and even eyes can tell you all you need to know about whether they're interested in a second date. Ahead, therapists tell us the key body language signs someone isn't into you. Spot them early before you get invested.
They're angled away from you.
A person's general position can tell you a lot about their true feelings. "If someone is seated next to a person that they do not have a romantic connection with, they will have their arms and legs tightly held to themselves and may have their body angled away from that person," says GinaMarie Guarino, LMHC, licensed mental health counselor at Psych Point. "They may also lean into the table if there are other people seated, as a means to express attention to those people rather than the person that they are not interested in." In other words: if their hips and feet are pointed away from your torso, your date may not feel a spark.
Their hands are clasped.
Keeping their hands tight to their chest likely means your date is closed off to you. "If someone is not romantically interested in the person they are seated with then they may keep their hands close to themselves and even clasped together," says Guarino. "They may not use their hands to express themselves in conversation, and if they do, the expressions will be small and subtle, rather than animated." So, why's that? "This is done in an effort to close off opportunities for touching or hand-holding and express that their hands are intended to stay within their personal space and not intrude on the other person's personal space," Guarino adds. Not the best way to show you're interested in someone.
They're scanning the room.
If another person's eyes aren't firmly on you, it's not a good sign for your romantic prospects as a couple. "Another major body language cue that someone is not into another person romantically is if they are scanning the room," says Guarino. "Scanning the room may happen for a few reasons, including seeing if there are others in the room they may be interested in, a means to find exits or a reason to excuse themselves, or simply not to make eye contact with that person." You might want to take the hint and start scanning the room, too.
They're shaking their head.
This sign could be either understated or exaggerated. "Shaking the head is non-verbal communication that can either mean yes or no," says Katie Lason, clinical sexologist and intimacy advisor at Peaches and Screams. "From left to right means no." They could be nodding in disagreement or simply subconsciously shaking their head in disinterest. Either way, it's not a good sign.
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They look generally tense.
Overall, if your date looks uncomfortable, they probably are. "If someone isn't into you, the person will most likely come off as tense," says David Tzall, PsyD, a licensed psychologist in New York. "Their shoulders might be hunched and the general demeanor will be 'do not proceed.'" This sign will likely appear as a mix of the previous ones. Trust your gut on it and either ask for clarity or move on.