10 Women Share Their Hilarious Worst First Date Stories
"He said he was going to the bathroom. He never came back."
We’ve all had bad dates, but, most of the time, they simply consist of a man being cheap, rude, or excruciatingly dull. But, every so often, you have a date that is so astonishingly terrible that they make you question all of the life choices that led you this moment.
The good news is that, once it’s over, those dates can make for some uproariously funny stories to share with people at brunch. Last week, Twitter user @_ItsMissBre asked women to share their worst first date stories, and boy did they deliver.
Ladies: read these and know you’re not alone. Gentlemen: never be these guys.
And for more romantic misfires that make for great stories, See Why This Guy’s Hilarious Rejection Stories Are Going Viral.
Rent Ain’t Cheap
“A guy spent all of dinner telling me about his ex-girlfriends and how after each break-up he had to move out of their place and move back home. Then he asked how big my apartment was,” Danielle Sepulveres wrote.
A Tale of Too Much Drinking
“Took me to a dinner where he didn’t make reservations, so we couldn’t get a table. Go to a different place where he proceeds to drink too much. On the way home asks me to get out two stops before my actual station to watch him [use the bathroom] onto the train tracks,” Natt การุณรังษีวงศ์ wrote. And if you’re an active dater playing the field, make sure you’re not shooting yourself in the foot by reading these 17 Body Language Mistakes That Kill First Impressions.
(Don’t) Take Me to Church
“He picked me up on a Sunday morning. Thought we are going to have a breakfast date at a hotel. Ended up in the hotel’s conference room where his church gathers. Had to sit through a 2-hour church service,” La Dolce Far Niente wrote.
A Flexible Proposal
“Over coffee, he told me he was married but that his wife was ‘flexible.’ There was no second date,” Elizabeth wrote. For more on why some men do this, check out why This Is the Age When Men Are Most Likely to Cheat.
Fire in the Chem Lab
“He talked about himself nonstop and only asked me two questions: 1) Was Michael Jackson guilty and 2) What was the point of the Dewey Decimal System? Then he got an emergency text about a fire in the chemistry lab he was supervising and invited me to come. HARD PASS,” Danielle Dreger wrote.
The Worst Thing You Can Say When You Meet Online
“I showed up to meet a guy I’d only talked to online and the first thing out of his mouth was ‘You looked prettier in your pictures.’ Coincidentally it was also my shortest date,” Holly wrote. To avoid situations like this, read the expert advice in I Hired an Online Dating Coach and This Is What I Learned.
Arrogance Is Bliss
“I was set up with a name on a spreadsheet. He would never call—just use free chat apps. I said let’s meet and asked if the time of 6:30pm would suffice. The word suffice triggered him to call me ‘arrogant’. I said we shouldn’t meet and to not contact me again. He kept messaging,” Dhruti Shah wrote.
Overshooting Your Shot
“He was a professional athlete who kept making sure I knew how impressive he was, and then told me in the car ON THE WAY to the restaurant, ‘There’s a 90% chance I’m gonna sleep with you tonight.’ I guess he underestimated my 10% say in the matter,” Kristin Butz wrote. This definitely goes on our list of The 17 Worst Things a Man Can Say to a Woman.
Failure to Launch
“First Date: he took me home and we cooked and ate dinner with his mom and dad,” Kara McDowell wrote.
“Walked me to the bar, popped me down on a seat, said he was going [to the bathroom], never came back,” Quim Jong-un wrote. And for the other end of the romance spectrum, check out 20 Adorable “How We Met” Stories That Will Warm Your Heart.
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