The Biggest Signs Your Partner Is Bored With You, Therapists Say
Don't worry. All of these issues can be fixed.
Every relationship starts with a honeymoon period. During this stage, you get butterflies when your partner enters the room, delight in hearing every detail of their day, and plan new and exciting dates each week. But after a few months—or, for some lucky couples, years—that excitement wears off. Sometimes, you might even feel bored in your union—or wonder if your partner feels that way. Sound like you? Keep reading to hear from therapists about the biggest signs your partner could be bored; plus, what you can do to reignite that spark.
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You initiate every conversation.
One-sided communication can be surprisingly easy to miss, says Justin Lark, a therapist at The Ohana. "You may believe that you're having conversations with your partner; however, you are the one initiating all the conversations."
If you think this might be the case, stop initiating those conversations and see if your partner makes the effort to start them themselves. "If they don't seem to show any interest in your daily life, then it's a sign that you need to talk about what is going on," Lark advises. "I would recommend just letting them know what you have noticed and asking how they are feeling."
They're always on their phone.
When we get bored, we tend to get distracted more easily. And there's pretty much nothing that distracts us quite as much as our phones. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that if your partner is constantly futzing around on their cell, they might be bored in your relationship.
"If you put a movie on and your significant other is on the phone scrolling on social media, then they're not present with you emotionally," says Cali Estes, MCAP, MAC ICADAC, an addiction professional. To fix the issue, Estes suggests participating in activities that allow you to both be emotionally present. "This could include playing a game of cards, a game of checkers, or chess," says Estes. "Even going for a walk and leaving your phones at home is a good start."
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They get frustrated with you easily.
We all get frustrated with our partners occasionally. Maybe they forgot to unload the dishwasher. Or they left their dirty laundry all over the floor. It could even be that they arrived late to date night or had to pull an all-nighter at work. However, if your partner is getting frustrated with you at a higher frequency for more insignificant issues, it could be a sign they're bored.
"When we are bored with someone, we put up walls and decrease our empathy," says Jason Tuma, LCMHCA, mental health therapist at Real Solutions Therapeutic Services PLLC. "This stops us from being understanding with people."
Tuma suggests remedying the issue by planning a date or activity that incorporates your partner's love language. "We all have different love languages: acts of service, quality time, physical touch, receiving gifts, and words of affirmation," Tuma says. "Ensure that you are using your partner's love language when doing your activity (e.g. complimenting, giving a gift, snuggling, etc.)." This activity could speak to them on a deeper level and reignite their interest.
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You feel bored yourself.
Oddly enough, if you're feeling bored in your relationship, that could indicate that your partner is also feeling bored. "Often what one person is feeling is similar to how their partner is feeling, although this may show up in different ways in the relationship," says Heidi McBain, LMFT, LPC, PMH-C, a therapist focused on motherhood. "So, one partner may be bored in the relationship so they go out more with their friends to compensate, while the other person may stay home and ruminate about why they are bored in the relationship and what needs to change."
If that's the case for you, McBain suggests having an honest conversation about the issue. "Both partners can join together around the feelings of boredom and what needs to change to make their relationship more interesting and fun," she says. "Couples counseling is also a great place to explore this pattern of boredom and create ways to add more excitement to your relationship." That way, you can get ahead of the issue before it gets to a place that's beyond repair.