When you first start dating someone, it's important to look our for red flags. Does he take forever to answer your text messages? Then he's not your man. Does he cancel plans at the last minute? Then he's not your man. Is he nice to you but mean to everyone else? Not your man.
Recently, Twitter user @KylePlantEmoji lampooned this all-too-common (though solid) Internet dating advice via a tweet that's gone massively viral. It starts out reasonably enough, telling the ladies that "he's not your man" if he "only responds when you double text," but then gets progressively weirder, until you realize he's describing 19th President Rutherford B. Hayes.
The meme really took off, and soon, people were sharing other "red flags" you should watch out for.
After all, you don't want to end up dating a Hawaiian bobtail squid.
Or a virtual paperclip.
ladies, if he:
- never texts you back - always interjects with unsolicited advice - reads your personal documents - constantly tries to help you format paragraphs - is a sentient paper clip he's not your man. he's clippy the microsoft word office assistant — #1 Rachel (@rachel) November 24, 2018
Or a dubious recipe for Thanksgiving leftovers.
Ladies, if your man: - doesn't return your texts - doesn't help with dishes - in fact dirties dishes - because he's coated in mashed potatoes - is deep fried - spews gravy when poked
He's not your man. He's that ill- advised Thanksgiving-leftover recipe that still intrigues me. — Danielle Kurtzleben (@titonka) November 24, 2018
Or a raccoon.
Ladies, if he:
- ignores text messages - doesn't like your tweets - eats like trash - regularly goes out all night - is usually found in wooded areas in North America He's not your man. He's a raccoon. — Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) November 24, 2018
St. Michael the Archangel seems all right, but, unfortunately he's dead, and in all likelihood, has a bit of a martyr complex.
And while Lord Byron may seem like a great catch, he's got a lot of red flags.
Ladies if he:
-has too many pets -wants to do anal -is suspiciously close with his half sister -once brought a tame bear with him to uni because they wouldn't let him take his dog He's not your man. He's poet and famous lothario Lord Byron — Poppy (@0pxj0) November 24, 2018
In fact, the meme has proven to be particularly popular among those who have long waited for the opportunity to reveal obscure information about historical figures in a comical way.
Ladies, if he:
-was kicked out of uni -was married before you -set part of his house on fire as a kid -frequently goes missing in the woods and forgets who he is He's not your man. He's esteemed atheist poet, Percy Bysshe Shelley — Poppy (@0pxj0) November 24, 2018
Turns out Ramesses II wasn't so great, after all.
Ladies, if he:
-only responds if u text in emojis -doesn't care about your single wife policy -refuses to wear anything but fine linens -is a staunch polytheist -claims victory at Kadesh when it was a tie He's not your man. He's Egypt's greatest king from Dyn 19, Ramesses II — Sarah Parcak (@indyfromspace) November 23, 2018
It's always a bummer when you realize the person you're dating is actually a dog.
Or...is it?
Ladies if he:
-doesn't answer your texts -doesn't snap you back -drools a lot -wags his tail he's not your man he's a dog and he's better than any man you could ever have — the yam ma'am (@emmafischer_) November 24, 2018
And for more great dating advice, don't miss these red flags that people in happy relationships say they're glad they ignored.
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