We know what to do before sex. And we know what to do during sex. But what about after sex? Yes, just like the secrets to being pre-coitally charming—and knowing exactly what moves and when to pull in the middle of things—the moments after sex are just as important. In fact, according to women and sex experts that we spoke with, most men overlook practicalities, opportunities for connection, and unmet…needs. What follows is an a expert-sanctioned to-do list to keep in your bedroom at all times. Resist the urge to pass out after your orgasm and incorporate it into your sex life. You’ll be glad that you did—and more importantly, she will be too. And while you’re at it, be sure you’re avoiding the 11 things men should never, ever do after sex.
Sex can be a messy business. There’s nothing more ignoble than not offering to clean the sex-related goo from your partner’s body and immediate surroundings. Your co-sexer may actually like the thought of luxuriating in a marinade of your own making and decline your offer but a semen-in-the-eye scenario will have to be dealt with stat and, for that reason, it’s a solid idea to have some clean up accouterments close at hand. Some tissues or flushable cleansing cloths are great to have around and you’ll get mad bonus points if you come running back into the bedroom with a hot towel—the sort of thing that you’re handed when eating in a sushi restaurant. In addition to being prepared with a towel, get ready for a big night by learning The Single Best Way To Boost Your Sex Appeal.
You’ll have no doubt noticed that many women make a point of using the bathroom soon after sex is over and it’s often because they want to lessen the likelihood of getting a urinary tract infection or UTI. It’s less common for a guy to get a UTI, partly because men’s urethras are longer and more distant from our butts. If you’re using the pull out method, peeing between rounds of sex is going to make the likelihood of sperm finding it’s way to an egg markedly less likely. It gets a bad rap, but the pull out method is pretty effective. (For every 100 women who use the pull out method perfectly, 4 will get pregnant.) A component of being perfect is peeing between rounds that which will flush out left over sperm that hangs out in the urethra and lessen—though not eliminate—your chances of conceiving.
No, showering after sex is unlikely to lessen your chances of contracting an STI. What it probably will do, however, is make for a enjoyable shared experience, a way to come down after your high and feel refreshed before hitting the hay or doing something else with your day. “Sex can be messy so if you want to shower and wash off all of the fluids and sweat, go for it!” says Certified Sex Therapist and Certified Sexuality Educator, Kristen Lilla, LCSW. “You could even do this together to prolong the intimacy.” If you’ve got another one in you, you can also start things up again in the shower.
Sex toys can be awesome and can take the pleasure you and your partner share to a whole new level. Things can go awry with sex toys if you don’t pay attention to the care instructions that come with them. Research has shown tenacious microbes’ ability to cling to sex toy surfaces, so you’ll be wanting to clean them—but take note of the manufacturer’s recommendations, as they’re all different. A flesh light, for instance, only requires a water rinse, whereas butt plugs may need to be boiled. Soap and water may suffice for some products while others come with specific cleaning fluid. “You want to make sure to kill all of the bacteria on them and wash off all of the lube so you can put them away,” says Lilla. “Plus, if you clean them right away, they’ll be ready to go next time!” And seeing as sex toys are an essential part of a few key positions in The 60 Sex Positions Every Couple Needs to Try, this is a measure you should absolutely take.
If you’re using condoms be a mensch and pick up the used ones—and don’t forget the wrappers—and dispose of them properly: in other words, don’t flush them! “This is respectful and demonstrates that you feel equally responsible for what you do together, “ says Deborah Fox, MSW, Certified Sex Therapist. “You don’t want to be that guy who expects the woman to do the housekeeping and you just sit back and relax. This will pay dividends in goodwill.”
Ever noticed that food tastes better after you work out? For many people this is doubly true for sex. A keener appetite is just one reason to pig out after sex, as opposed to before. Feeling heavy, bloated, and possibly gassy after a heavy meal is the antithesis of sexy. Exert some calories, then refuel!
Did your partner have an orgasm during your session? Would she like another? If you really want to be a sexular superstar, make sure she knows that, just because sex is over for you for a little while, that you’re ready, enthused, and able to get her rocks off with your until she taps out. “Show her you’re eager to engage more, if needed” says sex therapist Constance DelGiudice, Ed.D, LMHC. “Some women feel they have to rush, or that they take to long. Letting her know you’re willing to stay the course. This will relax her and reduce anticipatory anxiety.”
A common complaint among women that we spoke with is that many men will roll over after sex and not want to cuddle. Maybe the person you’re having sex with doesn’t want to cuddle either but it’s a good idea to make yourself available in the event that she does. “After experiencing the endorphin rush of an orgasm, you’ll experience a release in oxytocin, the ‘bonding’ chemical,” explains Lilla. “Take advantage of it by cuddling, bonding, and feeling even closer to your partner.”
Cuddling can be a part of connecting with your partner emotionally after sex but there are plenty of other things you can do to keep the good vibes rolling long after the main event has come to an end. You can look into each other’s eyes, synchronize your breathing, make out like teenagers or express your feelings toward her. “It’s especially important to stay physically and emotionally present with a woman after sex,” says Fox. “Women have made themselves vulnerable to you simply by having sex. Staying connected makes her feel safe and secure.”
Engaging in some targeted market research might seem like an odd after sex activity but it’s at this moment that her experience will be freshest in her mind and she can give you some valuable pointers. Tell her that you want and expect her honesty and you want it so that you can keep improving the sex you have together. With that in mind, put your big boy pants on and get ready to absorb the unvarnished truth without getting defensive. Even if she tells you something that stings a little, focus on the prospect of a happier partner and an improved sex life.
We all have personal preferences but while it’s easy to tell someone that you’re not crazy about mayonnaise, it seems much trickier to be clear about your likes and dislikes in the bedroom. Well, after sex is the time. “You should definitely discuss this after sex but not immediately afterwards in bed while you’re both naked,” says Lilla. “Wait until you’re both clothed, talk about it over a snack, in a neutral setting like the kitchen, when you’re not so naked and vulnerable. People are more accepting to feedback in the right environment.” Couch your language when you’re talking about stuff that you’re not crazy about. Instead of being negative, say things like, “Next time, I think it would be amazing if you…” or “I think I’d prefer it if you slapped my ass as opposed to tweaking my nipples.”
One way of improving the sex you and your partner have is boosting their confidence. Studies have shown that women with high self esteem tend to enjoy more sexual satisfaction. Unless you’re some sort of monster, you’ll get more enjoyment out of sex if she’s loving every minute of it. “Women often feel self-conscious about their bodies and their attractiveness,” says Fox. “They’re bombarded many times daily with what the media portrays as an attractive woman, which few can live up to.” In the afterglow, tell her she’s beautiful, that she turns you on, and how you’re crazy about that thing she does. Yeah, that thing.
Next, learn the 25 Easiest Ways To Turn Yourself Into A Sex God, Overnight.
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