11 Lies Everyone Tells in Quarantine
Come on, did you really put on jeans today?
It turns out, humans are pretty good at telling lies. While many people like to spout wisdom about how "honesty is the best policy," telling little white lies is so common, researchers claim that the average person lies up to three times every 10 minutes. The only issue is, quarantine has made it a little harder to use some of those textbook excuses. You can't claim to "have somewhere to be" when needing to get out of a conversation or say that "traffic was holding you up" when you're late to work.
But, humans are also pretty good at being adaptive. The new excuse is having another virtual call to attend or the line being long at the grocery store. Whatever the case may be, these are the most common quarantine lies everyone is using nowadays.
"Sorry, I'm on a work call."
If you're quarantining with others, this is a lie you probably throw out more often than not. And while sometimes you may actually be on a work call and unable to help out, nine times out of ten, you're probably just blasting your Spotify playlist through those AirPods.
"Of course I washed my hair today."
It's safe to say taking the time to scrub your hair when no one is going to see you isn't high on people's priority list right now. But while you're emptying cans of dry shampoo or rocking greasy hair-hiding buns, you're probably spouting off untruths about how yes, you did make time to wash your hair today.
"Sorry for not responding, I was helping my kids with their schoolwork."
Your kids could be 15 and 17 years old, far from needing mom's help to get the school day started at home, but you still might try pulling this fast one on your boss. Kids are the perfect excuse. After all, who can be mad at your valiant efforts to help them continue their education during this hard time? We all know how hard a teacher's job is!
"Sorry I'm late, the line at the store was so long."
Need a sympathy card? Tell people you were just braving the grocery store lines! It's something everyone can relate to right now, so no one can be mad that your quest to obtain nourishment for you or your family took longer than expected. But in reality, you're probably eating your fifth bowl of ramen that week—not having been to the grocery store in a hot minute. And for more ways we can all relate right now, check out these 13 Funny Quarantine Videos and Photos of People Entertaining Themselves.
"Weird, my camera isn't working for some reason!"
It's quite easy to just roll out of bed these days and hop online if you're working from home. However, when that dreaded "video call" request comes into play, you're left looking down at your stained T-shirt and sweatpants from yesterday thinking, "Oh no! They can't see me like this." And that's when you can feign technology ignorance. No, you don't know why your camera won't turn on, it was just working yesterday! Oh well!
"I'm only on mute because everyone in my house is so loud!"
Your house isn't any louder than anyone else's. You're looking at that mute button as a glorious way to get by ignoring most of your work call. Want to watch a YouTube video or keep binge-watching the Netflix show you started last night? Mute the call. Looking for a chance to snack through your meeting? Mute the call. And if you are working from home with others, check out the 9 Hilarious Stories of Couples Working from Home Together.
"Sorry, I have another virtual call at that time."
Ah, the new "Sorry, I'm busy!" When quarantine first started, people were nervous they'd have no way to get out of things they didn't really want to do. You would start saying, "Oh sure, I'd love to attend a virtual work happy hour, I just have…" and draw a blank. Luckily, more things have come online. You can have a virtual therapy appointment at that time. Or maybe you're attending a virtual yoga session then? Whatever the case may be, there's a virtual excuse out there for you!
"I get dressed every day for work, so I'm more motivated."
No one is out there wearing jeans every day while working from home. And that definitely means no one is out there throwing on work slacks every day, either. As much as you want to pretend like you've won the "working from home" game by being better than everyone else, you're fooling no one. Behind the small screen of your work video chat, everyone knows you're in sweatpants, too.
"Yes, I've been so productive during this time."
If by productive, you mean you've finally finished that Netflix show you meant to watch last year, sure, you've been productive! But other than that, your productivity levels are probably as low as everyone else. Even with all the time in the world, people are still not starting the manuscript they've been meaning to write or learning to play the piano after five years of having an electric keyboard keeping dust in the corner of their house. No shame! Though, you'll still lie about it. And if you are looking for hobbies right now, check out the 13 New Hobbies to Master During Quarantine.
"Sorry, I have to run to the grocery store!"
It's hard to get out of things these days when there's no where you can or should be going. Luckily, the good 'ole grocery store is still there for you. You've probably been laying in bed at some point during this quarantine and sent a "Sorry, I have to run to the grocery store" text to someone bothering you for a video chat. Hey, sometimes you just want to lay in bed, without FaceTime.
"I wake up an hour before work to get my day started."
With commutes being from your bed to, possibly, still your bed, it's highly unlikely you're doing much prep work before you start your work day. Have work at 8 a.m.? You're probably rolling over at 7:57 a.m. to grab your laptop and sign on for the day. But that won't stop you from telling everyone how much you really like to start your work day the right way by getting up early, showering, and making a nutritious breakfast.