There's a Good Chance You've Been Dumped for This Reason
A recent survey says one in three people have dumped someone for being bad at this.
It's happened to the best of us. You're really into your date, you've been out a few times before, and everything is going well. You decide to head back to their place to close out the night, and after all that built-up tension, you finally head to the bedroom. But it turns out, the sparks you had over dinner and drinks aren't translating. What do you do? Well, if you're like most people, you would call it quits. According to a new survey conducted by OnePoll on behalf of sex tech company Lora DiCarlo, 68 percent of sexually active respondents said bad sex is a dealbreaker. On top of that, a third of respondents report having broken up with someone due to bad sex. For more on how to overcome a lack of sexual chemistry, read on. And for other dating woes, check out Half of Men Say They Would Break Up With a Woman Who Does This.
"The one dealbreaker that cannot and should not be looked past is sexual chemistry," says Fran Walfish, PsyD, a family and relationship psychotherapist. Walfish says that chemistry can build throughout the relationship, but after a certain amount of time, it may be unsalvageable.
Walfish explains that "most couples who move forward to a deeply committed relationship have their highest levels of physical attraction during the first three months of meeting," which you probably know as the honeymoon phase.
But that's not the case for all couples. "It is not unusual, however, for some people to develop chemistry during their courtship," says Walfish. "If after the first three to six months of dating, good communication, and expression of verbal and physical affection there is no spark, the likelihood is that these two people do not, and will not, have sexual chemistry. It is a dealbreaker."
Relationships come to an end for various reasons—some in our control and others completely out of our reach. It always hurts a bit more when a breakup happens on account of something we feel like we can't change, like bad sex. However, much of what people refer to as "bad sex" actually just stems from poor communication.
The One Poll / Lora DiCarlo survey found that 54 percent of sexually active respondents want to have a conversation with their partner about how to improve their sex lives, but are nervous they will offend them so they opt for staying silent. In that case, nothing changes.
"Sexless relationships and bad sex highlight the communication breakdowns that are common in relationships," says sexologist Jordin Wiggins, ND.
So, if you find yourself in a relationship that checks all the boxes, but your sex life leaves something to be desired, try chatting it out with your partner before calling the whole thing off. And for more tips on constructive communication in the bedroom, check out The Worst Thing You Could Say to Someone in Bed.