In the early days of a partnership, the word sex usually means that some body part is inserted somewhere, and it most often includes at least partial nakedness. But as time goes by, the couple that would keep things exciting takes sex out of the bedroom and broadens its definition to include all kinds of touching. Now, this is no call for just cuddling; a man is entitled to want everything he wants.
But expand your physical life together to include all the ways a man and woman might touch and endorse each other: a quick make-out session in the laundry room, a supportive shoulder squeeze on the way out the door, a fondling here, a grope there, a caress, a head in a lap, a pinch of an ear, a tender tap. When touch is set free from the ghetto of orgasm, the purposefulness of intercourse drifts through every cove of our connection. This validation turns kittens into tigers...once the kids go outside to play.
In the end, the most powerful sex secrets aren't in technique, in learning to use your fingers like a French flutist or your tongue like an Asian lizard. (That said, just remember your favorite Hall of Fame baseball pitcher at his best: Change speeds and change locations.) The secret to keeping the pepper in your pas de deux is to stand up for the primacy of physicality in your life together, resisting the cultural conspiracy that disrespects your taste for each other and tries to make it a bit player in your passion. Your longing for each other can enrich all of your feelings.
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