Monogamous relationships often founder because one partner feels free to demur because she's not "in the mood," leaving Mr. Faithful, who has, alas, "forsaken all others," with nowhere to turn with his need. "The mood" is greatly overrated, and if a couple is going to stay happily monogamous, there will have to be some sex had by people who are not exactly "in the mood." This doesn't mean that a partner can never demur. A throbbing headache, violent nausea, or the news of a loved one's death will all get you a pass.
But not being "in the mood" is death if you expect to keep a relationship warm and energetic. Just like the Highlander, your physical relationship needs some routine maintenance. You go to work when you're not "in the mood." You go to the gym when you're not "in the mood." When we accept a person's promise of monogamy, we take on a duty. Come on, take one for the team.
Finally, learn to let sex heal. Sometimes when you get mad—no, make that when she gets mad—sex is deliberately withheld, as a punishment for perceived slights. Bad plan. This weaponizes lust. Your sexual loyalty to your partner has to be stronger than some small oversight, like neglecting to call when you knew you were going to be late. Moreover, sex can be just the medicine you need. Touch helps you work your way back to each other. Our hips and hands are sometimes smarter than our brains.
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