Energy often fades with time because we grow to love each other too much. Yes, too much. Forget all that treacle about how sex is enriched by attachment. If it were, why are you still flashing back to that tall chick from Dayton who slipped into your dorm room freshman week at Yale and took your bulldog for a walk?
No, lust can actually be doused by caring. Once we become fully human to each other, the selfishness that arousal requires is often gentled by affection. Now, make no mistake, full-spectrum love is the grand prize of life. So the secret is to build an attachment that is both sacred (as in the sappy hearts-'n'-flowers stuff) and profane (as in the missus welcoming you home by reenacting the Phoebe Cates—emerging-from-the-pool scene from Fast Times at Ridgemont High).
That requires two strong-hearted and self-defined people. That requires the vigorous, independent, self-reliant love of two self-actualized individuals, not the needy codependent love of one mouse for another. There has to be space between you across which a spark of hunger can arc.
This HTML email was sent to members of bestlifeonline.com who have asked to receive newsletters. If you would prefer not to receive this newsletter from bestlifeonline.com, please click the unsubscribe link below.
