The Ugliest Statue in Every State

Nothing says "America" like a 22-foot-tall Optimus Prime.

The Ugliest Statue in Every State

Nothing says "America" like a 22-foot-tall Optimus Prime.

When you think of iconic U.S. statues, what comes to mind? The Statue of Liberty, certainly. The Lincoln Memorial, of course. Probably Mount Rushmore and Christ of the Ozarks. But those are just the most deservedly famous examples of our nation’s sculpted tributes. The United States is a big place and it contains a lot of statues, and not all of them are going to end up in our history books and tourist guides. Not because they weren’t created by people with passion and artistry and devotion to their subjects. But because they’re just plain ghastly to look at.

Every state in our country has at least one terrible statue that they are (or should be) embarrassed about. We took the time to compile them all right here—so read on, and enjoy. And for more examples of truly unsightly aesthetics, here are the 30 Ugliest Sports Uniforms Every Designed.

The ugliest statues in America

Alabama
The Boll Weevil Monument; Enterprise

Yes, this is a 13-foot woman holding a giant bug over her head.

The ugliest statues in America

Alaska
Santa Claus Statue; North Pole

Forty-two feet tall and a staggering 900 pounds, this is the world’s largest Santa Claus statue. Looking for more fun trivia? Here are 30 Celeb Names You’re Mispronouncing.

The ugliest statues in America

Arizona
Street Corner Glenn Frey; Winslow

The late Eagles singer-songwriter was celebrated with this statue of what Glenn Frey might look like if he was unemployed and homeless and just hanging out on the street in Winslow, Arizona.

The ugliest statues in America

Arkansas
Popeye the Sailor Man; Alma

Alma is the self-declared “Spinach Capital of the World,” so we suppose it makes sense why they have this gigantic bronze Popeye, standing in a fountain and holding a can of spinach. For more fun facts about our country, here are the 50 Hardest Partying Cities in America.

The ugliest statues in America

California
Quetzalcoatl; San Jose

It’s supposed to be a statue of an Aztec god, a “Feathered Serpent” who represents intelligence and self-reflection. But we all know what it really looks like. Hey, lady, you have to pick up after your dog!

The ugliest statues in America

Colorado
Blue Mustang; Denver

If there’s one thing you want to see while flying out of Denver International Airport, it’s a 32-foot fiberglass horse statue with eyes that look downright demonic. There’s a reason this horse has been given the nickname “Bluecifer.” Oh, and speaking of Denver: did you know that it’s also one of  The 100 Drunkest Cities in America?

The ugliest statues in America

Connecticut
 Jack the Turkey; Hartford

A tribute to the very first turkey “pardoned” by President Abraham Lincoln in 1863. Immediately afterwards, the poor turkey was dipped in gold, apparently.

The ugliest statues in America

Delaware
Huge Doctor’s Bag and Stethoscope; Newark

Located outside the Apex Medical Center, it’s the perfect thing to put any patient at ease. Because who doesn’t feel a little better before an annual checkup if they think their doctor might be suffering from gigantism?

The ugliest statues in America

Florida
Passiflora Incarnation; Coral Gables

We’d never suggest that this million-dollar sculpture looks anything like a dystopian future where plants have become carnivorous creatures in some kind of Little Shop of Horrors nightmare. That’s just…. ridiculous.

The ugliest statues in America

Georgia
Monkey Massacre Memorial; Duluth

What kid hasn’t shouted at his parents, “Can we pleeeeeease take a road trip to see the statues commemorating the mass murder of escaped circus monkeys in the early 20th century?”

The ugliest statues in America

Hawaii
Elvis Aloha; Honolulu

The poor King has never looked worse. For more great trivia, here are 30 Words That Will Make You Sound Instantly Smarter. 

The ugliest statues in America

Idaho
World’s Largest Beagle; Cottonwood

Would this statue seem more appealing if we mentioned you can sleep in it? No? Didn’t think so.

The ugliest statues in America

Illinois
Harry Carey; Chicago

The late Chicago Cubs announcer still stands outside Wrigley Field in Chicago. Well, “stands” might be the wrong word, as Harry Carey’s legs in this statue appear to be melting into a pool of disembodied heads.

The ugliest statues in America

Indiana
The Tooth; Crown Point, IN

Terrifying!

The ugliest statues in America

Iowa
Plumbers and Steamfitters; Des Moines

Yes, those are two hulking hands bursting from the earth brandishing pipe wrenches.

The deafy boular statue in kansas

Kansas
Deafy Boular, the Legless Bricklayer; Atchison, KS

Atchison is more widely known as the birthplace of Amelia Earhart. But it’s also the birthplace of a man named “Deafy,” who lost his hearing and his legs at a young age during the late 19th century. He refused to wear prosthetic legs, and instead attached boots to his stumps—a decision immortalized here for eternity.

ugliest statues

Kentucky
Pink Elephant; Guthrie, KY

No, you’re not tripping. There is indeed a pink fiberglass elephant guarding a gas station off US 41.

The ugliest statues in America

Louisiana
World’s Largest Ronald Reagan Statue; Covington

Hey, the guy was larger than life.

The ugliest statues in America

Maine
Big Boyz Worker; Augusta

A 15-foot tall worker with huge forearms, an impressive beer belly, and a ‘stache straight out of a ’70s stag movie.

The ugliest statues in America

Maryland
The Awakening; National Harbor

Not entirely sure what we’re looking at here, but it sure does look like a dude drowning in quicksand. So, um…. welcome to Maryland, we guess?

The ugliest statues in America

Massachusetts
Myles Standish’s Legs; Halifax

Sorry if we’re the first to point this out, but those 9-ton granite legs of the military commander of the Mayflower, um… how do we put this delicately? They’re missing a torso. And arms. And a head.

The ugliest statues in America

Michigan
Paul Bunyan; Alpena

Finally, a roid-raging statue of the lumberjack from folklore that seems to be saying, “Do you even lift, bro?”

The ugliest statues in America

Minnesota
Walleye; Baudette

If you want to remind visitors that you’re the Walleye capitol of the world, maybe you erect a statue that doesn’t make your local fish look like a cross between the Jaws shark and a bloodthirsty piranha.

The ugliest statues in America

Mississipi
Tireman; Pontotoc

It’s like somebody watched those spectacularly campy Godzilla movies from the ’60s and thought, “We could do worse!”

The ugliest statues in America

Missouri
Charlie Parker; Kansas City

Here’s a helpful suggestion: If you’re creating a brass statue of jazz legend Charlie Parker and you leave out the saxophone, maybe you don’t have him blowing into an invisible instrument. This just looks like a creepy dude spitting.

The ugliest statues in America

Montana
Talking Penguin Statue; Cut Bank

You won’t forget the coldest spot in the nation.

The ugliest statues in America

Nebraska
Chef Boyardee; Omaha

It’s a lifesize bronze statue of Chef Boyardee, the man who gave the world bland canned pasta. We don’t have a joke here. It’s a statue of Chef Boyardee that somebody made, and it continues to exist. This is the world we live in.

The ugliest statues in America

Nevada
Toilet Paper Hero of Hoover Dam; Boulder City

Too many questions.

The ugliest statues in America

New Hampshire
Pollyanna Statue; Littleton

She clearly doesn’t know it’s 2017.

The ugliest statues in America

New Jersey
Mr. Peanut; Atlantic City

Everyone’s favorite anthropomorphic legume dressed like an oligarch.

The ugliest statues in America

New Mexico
The World’s Largest Pistachio; Alamogordo

Still, betcha can’t eat just one!

The ugliest statues in America

New York
Nude Man Pulling Rope; Brooklyn

This statue commemorates an 1862 naval battle, which apparently involved entirely nude sailors.

The ugliest statues in America

North Carolina
Queen Charlotte; Charlotte

This bronze sculpture, standing at 15 feet, is a tribute to the town’s namesake, the English queen who inspired English settlers to name their settlement after her. If the town wants us to know nothing else about Queen Charlotte, it’s that she knew how to take a punch to the stomach.

The ugliest statues in America

North Dakota
Four-Headed Thunderbird Statue; Bismarck

Oh cool, that won’t be hovering over us in our nightmares for the rest of our lives. Thanks for the horrifying visual image, North Dakota!

The ugliest statues in America

Ohio
Radiance; Toledo

Any tribute to Martin Luther King, Jr., is worth having, of course. But of all the great monuments to the civil rights leader, this one with four disembodied heads just strikes us as a little… odd.

 

The ugliest statues in America

Oklahoma
Transformer; Stillwater

We don’t even know where to begin.

The ugliest statues in America

Oregon
Fish Swimming Through Building; Portland

As if we needed more evidence that everybody in Portland is slightly bonkers, here’s an 11-foot sculpture of a bronze salmon swimming through a building.

The ugliest statues in America

Pennsylvania
Singing Statue of Perry Como; Canonsburg

If there’s one thing that’ll change millennials’ minds about their grandparents’ music, it’s a statue of a Perry Como singing “Dig You Later (A Hubba-Hubba-Hubba).”

mrs potato head

Rhode Island
Ms. Potato Head; Westerly

This bikini-wearing spud, officially called “Sunbaked 1966,” stands a full six-feet tall and happily terrifies visitors at the local airport.

The ugliest statues in America

South Carolina
Freaked Out Revolutionary Horse; Johnsonville

This 12-foot bronze tribute to Revolutionary War General Francis Marion and his horse, Ball, tells everything you need to know about 18th century war. The horses were so not into it!

The ugliest statues in America

South Dakota
Corn Palace Mascot; Mitchell

Sorry if we’re the ones to break it to you, Corn Palace owners, but “Cornelius,” the creepily happy ear of corn that you’ve picked as a mascot, is not going to become the Mickey Mouse for a new generation. But kudos for trying!

The ugliest statues in America

Tennessee
General Nathan Bedford Forrest; Nashville

If you were hoping for the Confederate Army to be remembered as anything but slave-owning traitors, this crazy-eyed statue is probably not the way to go.

The ugliest statues in America

Texas
The Taco Queen; Austin

“Monster Maria,” a styrofoam statue of Taco XPress owner Maria Corbalan, shouldn’t be such a beloved a landmark, but that’s what she is nonetheless. When her 8-foot arms were cut off by vandals not long ago, it was treated like a national tragedy, until the limbs were recovered and reattached. Accept her as your personal lord and savior, and all will be forgiven.

The ugliest statues in America

Utah
Joseph Smith Sphinx; Salt Lake City

What’s that? Oh, just the head of the founder of Mormonism on an Egyptian sphinx. No big deal.

The ugliest statues in America

Vermont
The Whispering Statue; Barre

Fun fact: They say this war memorial from the ’20s has unique acoustics, where you can whisper behind the statue and the sound will reverberate across the plaza.

The ugliest statues in America

Virginia
Foamhenge; Natural Bridge

It’s just like the prehistoric Stonehenge in England, but it’s made out of… sorry, sorry, no, we can’t do this. Seriously, styrofoam?

The ugliest statues in America

Washington
Christopher Columbus; Seattle

We can’t imagine a better tribute to the guy who maybe didn’t really discover North America than a gaunt futuristic cyborg looking out at an ocean on the other end of the continent he may or may not have landed on first.

The ugliest statues in America

West Virginia
Point Pleasant Mothman; Point Pleasant

A 12-foot-tall stainless steel tribute to a creature that supposedly terrorized residents during the mid-1960s.

The ugliest statues in America

Wisconsin
Fox Cities Oracle; Appleton

Supposedly this is a horse. Your guess is as good as ours.

The ugliest statues in America

Wyoming
Rock Paper Scissors; Gillette

Everyone’s favorite game, immortalized. Have you enjoyed all this American art and history? Check out more with The 28 Most Enduring Myths in American History.

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