While there’s nothing wrong with grand romantic gestures, a surprise trip to Turks and Caicos requires a lot more time, money, and effort than a few things that you can do this very evening that will make her feel special, respected, considered, and loved. Below are eleven such things. Bust them out tonight and reap the myriad rewards of improved and renewed connection with your boo. Then combine these tactics with the 30 Words and Phrases Every Woman Wants to Hear, and she’ll feel like a princess in no time.
Don’t hesitate to tell her how great she looks or smells. Remember when your relationship was fresh and the compliments came out of your mouth thick and fast? Try and tap into the all the googly-eyed thoughts and feelings that begat all those sweet nothings, even though years or even decades have elapsed since then. It’ll pay dividends. “We all want to be desired,” says sex therapist Laurie Watson, host of Foreplay: Radio Sex Therapy. “There is nothing like hearing this from a partner, particularly at the beginning or the end of the day. A meaningful, verbal gesture like this can act as a form of foreplay for men and women alike. Knowing that one’s partner is left thinking about them for the day, until they meet again, is most certainly a turn on.”
Randomly leave love notes for her to find. Having phones in our pockets enables us to send our partners reminders of how we think and feel about them in a mind boggling variety of ways. In fact, it’s so easy to send texts, audio, video, cartoon avatars, and so on that shooting them around is practically mandatory and hardly surprising. What is surprising? Putting pen to paper.
“Everyone wants to feel like they are loved and appreciated” says sex therapist and sexuality educator Kristen Lilla LCSW. “Random notes remind her how special she is to you.” Imagine her surprise as she finds a thoughtfully composed note tucked away in her pants pocket, in her underwear drawer, or any other incongruous cranny.
Break your routine. “It’s easy to fall into routine as the years pass,” says Lilla. “While there’s value in having a routine, it can also get boring.” Flip the script and change the routine from time to time, whether it’s trying a new restaurant, learning something new together, or going on a vacation. That break from the same old same old will demonstrate to her that you are prioritizing her and the relationship and are not content with the same old, same old. Here are some pointers to spice things up in the bedroom with 60 Sex Positions Every Couple Needs To Try.
Remember the names of her friends and co-workers. Watson recommends that you pay attention to what’s going on in her world and what’s important to her. The easiest way to do that? Keep track of the people she’s close with. “When my husband and I were young, I kept a notecard with the names of his clients and projects stashed in my junk drawer,” she says. “I would sneak a peak to refresh my memory and to keep the data straight in my head before he got home at night.” Watson’s point? Remembering the details shows we care.
Share your feelings. This article is about ways to make her feel special. If you think that entails focusing exclusively on her thoughts and feelings while putting yours on the back burner, think again. “At the end of the day sharing how we feel is what bonds two people,” says Lilla. “Sharing your feelings shows that you know how to be vulnerable and that you trust her.” Men have a reputation for keeping feelings inside. Play against stereotype and let her know about the thoughts that occupy your mind in any given day. She may be able to help and chances are that she’d feel good about unburdening yourself. You may avoid some common pitfalls by being honest about the things that upset you with your partner.
Act like you’re partners in all areas of your life. In writing articles like this one, I often use the word partner as it’s more of a catch all term that can apply to all situations, all genders, all orientations. I use it so much in fact that I’ve become somewhat desensitized to its core meaning: a person who takes part in an undertaking with another.
“Having a partnership means supporting one another and working as a team,” Lilla reminds us. “You can’t pick and choose when to be on your partner’s team, because then it isn’t really a partnership. It doesn’t mean you have to agree on everything, but it should mean you respect and validate differences in opinion and find ways to compromise, together.” A practical way of strengthening that partnership is to…
Set some relationship goals. You may have given some thought to wear you want to be in five years and perhaps she has, too. Where you’d like to live, where you’d like to travel, the kind of things you’d like to achieve in your career—that sort of thing. Now, take some time to think about where you want your relationship to be four, five, or ten years out from now. Set aside some time to relax and invite your partner to open up about what she wants from your relationship in the years ahead. This will demonstrate a willingness to be on the same page as your wife of girlfriend and chart a course for the future together.
Send her texts. Above we mentioned the how leaving random notes for your partner to find is a great way to tell her that you’re thinking of her, that you value her and that you care. But all kinds of things happen when you’re apart and texting is a fantastic way great way to show her that you’re thinking of her in real time.
Listen. Apparently men aren’t very good at just listening. We’re eager to scramble to find a solution to a problem as opposed to listening to how your partner is thinking about it. Part of this well is demonstrating that you’re picking up what she’s laying down. “Show her you’re interested in her and what she has to say,” says sex therapist Constance DelGiudice, Ed.D, LMHC. “Keep in mind, listening is more than just giving her your ear.” DelGiudice recommends that you engage in active listening which requires that the listener fully concentrate, understand, respond, and then remember what is being said.
Kiss her in public. Public displays of affection aren’t everybody’s bag, but many women we spoke to told us that they like others to see that their significant other loves them. “Women want to feel special, that you adore her more than any other,” says DelGiudice. “Kissing her in public sends this message.”
Give her a massage with no strings attached. Within the context of a relationship, a massage is often thought of as a preamble to something else, and it’s easy to see why. Massages are sensual, soothing, relaxing, and effective at lowering anxiety and deepening connections between people. But you can show her that you care for her by making it clear that you’d like to give her a massage for its own sake. And if it does lead to some intimate times, take heed of doing anything to kill the mood for you and your partner.
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