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Not long ago, I had a powerful sexual dream. The heroine in this fierce pleasurefest? Oddly, the heroine wasn't my usual lame fantasy—Angelina, Beyoncé, or Katarina—but rather...wait for it now...my wife. I'll add that we both looked like we did when we first met. Her hair was long and flowing, and mine was on my head instead of all over my body.
The thing is, I prefer today's version of my wife, with her mastery, her grown-woman urgency, and her grace, to the one way back when. Nor do I prefer our sex life as it was back then. It's way more compelling now. But I was pining for one aspect of us back then—specifically, for the ferocity, the hunger, the raw energy of love that is new.
Every couple reaches a point when the wild lust of exploration becomes a distant, exotic memory. Some of us, when the frisson fizzles, turn elsewhere for passion. Others remain faithful and figure boredom is the price we pay for love. But my dream inspired me to work at getting that wildness back.
The road to hotter monogamy is simply a matter of mind over monotony. It begins with a pledge to resist the cliché that familiarity breeds lower temperatures. Done right, the conspiracy of just two is sanctified by its focus, made big and bold and daring by the sheer size of the bet. All the chips on one number. How's that for exciting? Spin the wheel.
Here are a few warming ideas that may create an environment that harkens back to the beginning of your life together.
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